Do I get around to doing these every year? Hell no, but I try. Here’s my attempt for 2013.
I went back and found pics of the kids from the year I started this blog – except for Ian, who wasn’t even a blip on the radar. So, I dug out my favorite baby pic of him.
Ian’s update isn’t easy to do without getting gloomy. He hasn’t had a great year. He’s losing function every day, and it just isn’t fair. But that’s not what I want to say. I want to tell you how special he is and how smart and how proud I am of him for not giving in to this disease that is trying to rob him of every ounce of independence he has. He refuses help unless absolutely necessary, and he insists on doing what the other kids do at school. Sadly, he’s at the point where he can no longer play in gym with the other kiddos – it’s just too dangerous. My heart just breaks when he asks me when he’ll be able to run like the other kids. He’s convinced that a cure will sweep in and heal him. I sure hope so sweetie. With every ounce of my being, I sure hope so.
Bana Bear. My sweet almost-teenager. She lights up my life as I watch her grow from my little girl into a beautiful young lady. She’s so kind – so compassionate – so genuinely sweet that I cannot believe she’s my daughter. She’s smart, she’s funny, and she’s soon to add sew master to her list of skills. She is making sugar cookie cutouts today – by herself. I think she’s amazing. I always have. Middle school agrees with her, then again, not much doesn’t. She’s confident, selfless, and so comfortable in her own skin. I wish I was more like her. She makes me want to be a better person. I pray she never changes.
Oh Carson. My gentle giant. Strong as an ox, but wouldn’t hurt a fly. He’s come so far that I almost can’t believe that he’s the same little boy that gave us so much trouble when he was younger. He’s kind, considerate, caring, and AWARE of what other people feel and need. That’s HUGE people. He never used to give a hoot about what everyone else was doing around him unless it directly affected him. Now? The other night Ian stayed up til 1am playing the WiiU – I couldn’t stay awake, so I went to bed. Carson went to bed too, but he got back up to watch Ian until he went to bed. He carried him in there, changed him into pjs, and tucked him in. Still makes me cry. I honestly never thought this day would come when I can actually see him living a normal life with a wife and kids. He’s still has his issues, and he’ll probably always have questions about things he doesn’t understand, but at least he’s asking now. He gives me hope that anything is possible, and the way he’s come to care for us fills my heart.
Austin. This boy amazes me. He’s so damn smart and quick-witted. He’s a hard ass worker and he makes me proud of the way he handles responsibilities. Well, except for his room. What a sty. But at work he’s the dependable one. The one they know won’t call in when there’s 8 inches of snow and he has to be there BEFORE the plows do their thing. He’s still bound and determined to join the service as soon as J figures out what he’s doing. Doesn’t want to leave him here alone so he’s not uncomfortable. He torments the little ones, but they know they can always count on him when the time comes. He gets up and takes the kids to school. He spends 5 hours at the ER with me just to get a headache shot. He spends every last dime he has on whoever needs it. I know I’ll be proud of him no matter what he does in life. I hope God blesses him with many children because he’d make a great father. Just like his father.
Zach is my safe place. He’s level-headed, smart, and sure of himself. He doesn’t give two shits about what others think of him. He’s always marched to his own drum, and it rarely steers him wrong. He has excellent taste in women, and he treats her like a treasure. I’m so proud of him for almost getting that degree – 2 more semesters. I know he’ll do well in life. I hope life doesn’t take him away, because I need his relaxed nature around to calm me. I miss him like crazy while he’s in the dorms. I have a feeling though that he will never live back home. I’m ok with that. He has his own life. Doesn’t mean I won’t cry about it, but I get it. I’m going to lose them all eventually. I just hope they never lose their way back home.
Tyler has made me proud this past year by not giving up and coming home. He is damn good at his job and he has made a nice little life for himself. He’s smart, kind, and he makes me laugh. He’s so damn sweet too. I miss him too. He hasn’t lived here in over a year, and it makes my heart hurt to think that’s it – he’ll never again be home. Empty nest has already started, and I still have 4 at home. I don’t get to see him as often as I’d like because of our schedules, but I know he’s always there if we need him. He’s quite the man, and I’m very lucky to be his mama. His birth awoke something in me that I never knew existed, and because of it, I have been blessed in life with 6 wonderful children that make me complete.