I think I got it. The mise-en-scene. Or maybe I just have a main theme that runs throughout the piece – is that the same? Or is that an element? How are the two different? Inquiring minds and all.
I was proud of myself for thinking of this theme all on my own. He went over several in class and said we could use those as examples. I want my own. i need to show them that I belong there. In honors. I have to prove that to myself. Or else I’m going to bow out. Before I’m kicked out.
I need to pay bills. I need to clean this house. I need to cook a real meal. Only decent thing we had these past 5-6 days is a roast I cooked in the crock pot. I need more crock pot recipes. I need more hours in the day.
I have to study every night to keep up with the vocab and definitions. To keep up with the diagrams and tables. To keep up with the reading and analysis. Fuck me.
But for the first time in a long time – a very long time – I feel like I have a purpose. A reason to be that doesn’t include servitude. I have something that’s mine. Mine all mine.
Let’s hope the grades that will be mine all mine prove that I belong here.