I realized something this morning. As I was playing Double Down and losing my ass. Gambling is the act of handing someone twenty dollars and then spending the next 20 minutes using Mojo Magic trying to get it back. Then I realized something else. I posted that on facebook and then realized that I’m only friends with about 4 of you. As long as you’re not a practicing axe murderer, we can be friends.
Had a good time last night with MD. I heart him. Most times. We had a fight Friday over something stupid, and I said – why are you with me if I am such a bitch. And he said – why are you with me when i mistreat you so badly. Neither of us answered. I’m a little nervous, then again, I’m starting to come around to the realization that I won’t shrivel up and die if he leaves me. I love him and I know I won’t leave again – UNLESS something happens with the bipolar and I flip manic-manic and pull another disappearing act. But he might leave. He might and I’m slowly beginning to remember how I used to be. Capable. Confident. Cocky. I want to be that way again despite the pills and the anxiety that those pills cause as a result. It’s all in your mind, and I’m hoping that I can start to use mine again.
Anyway, we had a good day other than that. Then last night we went to a family party, and left pretty quickly to go on a date. Just hung out for a bit, but it was nice. Then the rest of the evening was nice. Nothing else to see here. I don’t kiss and tell.