I got to hear Ian cry for an hour today. Because he couldn’t use the nerf gun I bought him. Takes too much strength to cock it and even pull the trigger. Fucking duchenne. Sometimes it makes me so bloody angry. He’s just a little boy who wants to shoot his gun. I’m an idiot for buying it. I’m an idiot for not thinking it through. I’m an idiot for thinking I can handle this.
I can’t. I can’t explain to him in a rational, understandable way that his duchenne is getting worse. I can’t make all the bad go away when his legs fail him like they do alot these days. I can’t stomach the thought of him in that power chair. I can’t fucking do this. I just can’t.