Dad’s already been gone a year and a half.  Unreal.

I did a rough estimate on our taxes, and it looks like we’ll have enough for Florida and money to help out since I’m not working. That works for me.

I hate Dora. And Diego.

MB1 is doing well at his job. I think, anyway. They have called him in to work several nights now, so I hope that means that he is doing a good job. It’s about damn time.

Because the joojoos never rest in this house, MD’s front tooth chipped/cracked. Exposed nerve, swollen face, horrible pain. He had to go to the dentist. Oh, yeah, we don’t have dental insurance. Not offered at his work. I tell ya … Thankfully, the doctor only charged us $320. I was convinced it was going to be a thousand bucks. Why do I get the feeling that something is trying to prevent us from going to FL? *Deep breath to get rid of the anxiety*

Other than that, things are good. Well, I’ve had a migraine the past two days and I think I’m getting a sinus infection and the damaged nerves in my toe are acting up again and I can’t even wear shoes when the pulsating pain begins. But other than that.. I’m having a good hair day, so that’s something.

I realized the other day that I only have a few more months of day care left to pay. Wee one will be going to school, and wow won’t that save some money. He is going to summer school in June, and I plan on paying MB3 & MB2 cash money to watch him for the month and a half before school starts. MB3 was thrilled. MB2 … not so much. But he wants the money, so he said sure.

I’m being kicked off now by MB5. Seems he would like to surf the net.

IF you have a Facebook account, and IF I recognize your name, I’d be happy to add your name as a friend.

Email me please.

BUT BUT BUT – we musn’t talk about this blog over in the real world. I don’t mind letting you all into my real life, but I’ll be damned if anymore of my real life peeks into here.

Dear The Mom of MB3’s best friend of 8 years:

You are an asshole. You are beyond asshole. Your son has eaten here 3 nights in the past 7 days to avoid chowing down on what you’ve offered him – a lunchable. And it’s not like this is all you can afford. Or maybe it is – since you go out to eat with your new husband several nights a week. You go out to eat, and you leave him to eat processed garbage. Nice. I’ll feed him because I feel like I don’t have a choice, but I won’t forget this shit. And I wonder who watches your other son when this one comes over to eat. The one who has seizures? Do you take him with you? Or do you leave him home alone to eat lunchables too? And where is your older daughter? Out? Can’t say I blame her.

We’ve been here even though your older boy stole from us, we’ve been here when your little one practically lived here because he didn’t like your new boyfriend/babysitter, and we’re here these days to feed him and keep him from running the streets. We’ll continue to be here for him because he’s almost like a son to us by now, but I just wanted to tell you how much of an asshole you are. Asshole.

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I honestly don’t know what to do. I can’t NOT feed him. He’ll come over and stay until 8pm or later if I let him. I know he hates to go home. MB3 loves going over there because there is no supervision whatsoever. Free snacks and pop – just no food. They come here to eat.

I asked him what he wanted to be when he grew up, and he said he was going to follow MB3 and do what he does. I just found this incredibly sad for some reason. I’m terrified for this kiddo if he doesn’t get into college.  MB3 has never tried to wow them with his scholastic ability – but he does talk about his future sometimes, and he does talk about college. I hope his friend doesn’t weigh him down later on. I know that sounds awful, but I can see MB3 shaping his life around this kid’s situation.

This parenting shit gets harder every day.

That job won’t need me until the end of Feb now. Something about permits and studies and bullshit. Another month of sitting here day after day. Geezus.

–

Parents as Teachers gal took a look at MB5 in several different areas. She’s not a doctor, but she does see the same issues that I see. Speech is way behind. Slurred as well. Still can’t jump or hop. She agreed with me that she would be nervous with him going up and down stairs. I let him, but I hold my breath and pray each and every time he does it. He’s … particular. No way else to say it. Not like MB4, but kinda.  Not to that level, but enough to give him problems. Perfectionism is one area that he gets bogged in. He was trying to cut out a snowman, and because it had to be perfect, it took him 3-4 times a long as it should have. There was no rushing him either. He wanted to quit several times because he didn’t think he could do it right, but he got through it. But just like MB4, that could mean sitting inside during recess finishing up work while the other kids play. I guess that’s how he learns? I dunno. MB4 still sits out of classroom activities sometimes, but MOST of his studies are completed before the other kids now. Thank gawd. Maybe MB5 will follow suit. I hope so. He’ll be attending summer camp with MG and MB4 in June. Sort of a test run for kindergarten. Wow, remember when MG did this? Hell, when MB4 did? That was the start of the whole spectrum ride. Time sure flies. My last baby is starting school in a few months. Hard to believe.

—

I was starting to read the new horoscopes for the OX year shit or whatever it is, but as soon as it said that Married Pigs (because I’m a year of the pig gal) will become pregnant, I stopped reading. No thanks.

I can buy a 5 day pass right now for the price of a 3 day. Do I go ahead and buy that now, or wait to see if there is a better deal elsewhere? I’m afraid of losing it.

argh

——-

I just realized that the older boys will probably want to go off on their own. Do I let them? It’s such a big place. He’ll be 18. Gawd. He’ll be 18. MB2 is 16. MB3 will want to go with them, but I’m not sure if he’ll ride the rides or not. I don’t want him hanging out alone waiting for them to get done with rides. OOhhh I hate this. Less than two months to go and I’m stressing like a whore in church.

——

I read parking is $11 – is that about right? Two cars, 5 days.. I guess that’s about what I expected. Better, actually. Still robbery.

Ok, these character breakfast/lunches. Anyone mind sharing with me just how much we’re talking? I have no idea, and I’d hate to spend oodles of cash on one when I only have one child who’s interested. Thanks.

Well, we might have another child I guess. Not sure about my sister’s youngest, but I know my youngest will be terrified, and her spectrum kiddo and my spectrum kiddo will have zero interest.
———–
Parents as Teachers are coming over today to take a look at wee one. I can see the EIP now. Just kidding. He’s a ton better than he was about his particular-ness. His speech hasn’t improved all that much, so there might be an issue there. We’ll see.

MB2 thinks he might want to be a nurse! I’m rather beside myself with happiness. Up until now, it was understood that he would attend some type of art institute to learn graphic design. Now he wants to study more, make better grades, and get into nursing school! OMG! I asked him why not a doctor, and he said he wants more personal time with the patients. Andddd he doesn’t have to spend the next 12 years learning the trade. I can respect that. Since nursing is near and dear to the heart in this family, I’m just thrilled to death.

Now he’ll probably want to be a race car driver tomorrow, but for tonight, he’s in there studying – something that boy never does. I’ll take it.

According to the tax estimator, we’re only getting enough back to go on this FL trip – that we’ve planned for a year. No money for my Lowe’s account, and no money for MB1’s graduation present. That bites. I’m going to have to bust my behind to get him that laptop before he starts school in the fall. That’s my promise. How I’m going to do that and pay for the other kids starting school this year is beyond me, but somehow, by gawd, it’ll happen.

Now I feel guilty about this trip. We’ve never had a vacation before, and now it’s going to feel yucky. Gawd, let me get a job soon.

I have errands to do and a house to clean, and all I want to do is sleep.

Wee one wants to watch Friday the 13th. He won’t stop bugging me, even though I told him all about it and how badly it’ll scare him. OMG, he won’t stop with the lecture about how he’s a big boy now and he watches scary movies now and he can watch them from behind the couch because that’s where all big boys watch from… I’m about to let him watch it. Gah.

MD is about to kick his 2nd (3rd?) job to the curb. The volleyball one. It’s the indoor variety, and they NEVER get his pay right. Considering we’re only talking chump change anyway, it’s like he’s working for free 3 nights a week. I have to play single mom for him to get a check that isn’t worth cashing. They eventually catch him up, but I don’t even put it on the budget anymore. And if I’m not including it, he might as well not be doing it. I’d rather have him home. He’ll still do the summer volleyball, no friggin way he’d give that up, but at least we might be able to enjoy him the rest of the winter/spring. Not sure when the next session starts (which would be when he quits), but I hope soon.

I could have swore I just heard Diego ask the kids if they were hung like  a llama. Turns out he said can you hum like a llama. I really need my hearing checked.

Amazing how something so simple can change so much. AND IT CLOSES! AND LOCKS! AND NO ONE CAN PEEP IN ON ME!

I heart my new door.

New door is here. Installer guy is fast at work. It’s freezing ass cold outside, which means it’s freezing ass cold inside now too. I don’t care, just gimme my new door.

Like it or not, he’ll be my President soon, and I’ll support him. But please God, let him live up to the hype.

I hear a noise, turn around to glance at the door windows, and see a man in a ski mask with big ass goggles on his eyes banging something against my door. AFTER I shit my pants, I realized he was just here working with the survey guy down the street.

They should sent out fliers or something. Gawd.

Reason #1 why the new front door will not have windows. I HATE the feeling that someone is watching me at night when I am waiting for MD to get home. And I hate even more when I look out the window only to find someone looking in – which happens way too often with my kids’ nosey ass friends. Did you peek in before knocking when you went to your friend’s house? I damn sure didn’t. How rude.

Not sure if I like the new Wordpress. Feels a little too cozy. Almost crampy. I like the color though. And why is there a 2 by my plugins? I know I could look it up, but I thought maybe someone had the answer already?

It’s hard to entertain a 5 year old in the winter who is used to being at preschool. He won’t do schoolwork for me, so that’s out. Can’t go outside and play. Hell, it’s too damn cold to run errands. I’m not very good at crafty things either. I’ve played Mario with him all day. Bad mom.

This pill for anxiety doesn’t work at all. Not sure what exactly it’s supposed to do, but I would imagine that it’s supposed to take the anxiety away. Not happening. Not even the slightest bit. It makes me restless as hell, but that’s it.

MD was given a route sales position at work. It’s what he’s been wanting for awhile now. He’s finally off a truck, and not breaking his back every day. Now he’s busy selling and putting displays together and making some cards or some shit, and it has him out until after 6 every night. He’s off at 4 – unless he still has work to do. He’ll get faster, but for now he’s rushrush and stressed. Careful what you wish for. And no, it doesn’t pay more money. It pays what the driver makes for that route. Little less, actually. But he’s eligible for bonus now. Hopefully he scores some of that dough.

Guess who is learning to pee standing up? Guess who sucks at it? Guess who is back to cleaning up piss off of the floor? One of these days everyone will hit their mark. Or move. I don’t care which at this point.

Mom isn’t playing Final Fantasy anymore – isn’t that great? I didn’t have time to play, so so stopped playing herself. Yay! Now mom can get a life!

Not quite. Mom discovered WoW. And now mom has bought WoW for me. So now I’m playing WoW. I just run after her in the game and do what she does. I don’t play by myself, and I don’t talk to other players on the game. Not into that. Not here to make friends. Here to kill shit, so move along. Keeps her occupied I guess. Although I still hardly have time to play. To play WoW. Gah.

When I woke up this morning, it was 3 degrees out. 3. I have to go to the store, so I figured I’d wait until it got a little warmer outside. It’s now 5. Dare I venture out?

Thanks for all the great Disney feedback. I’ve taken what has been said and sort of molded it around our family dynamic, and I think we have a plan. BUT, we will remain flexible so as not to cause Ang’s head to explode if something doesn’t go smoothly.

MB1 GOT A JOB! He always said he was holding out for the busboy spot in 54th St, and by gawd, that’s what he got. I’ll be carting his ass there until he can get his car up and running, but that shouldn’t take too long. I just hope he does a good job.

The front door won’t stay closed. It bursts open in the middle of the night. Isn’t that great for my anxiety? MD has tried adjusting it, but it’s just old. The door was the first thing on our list to replace when we started on this house.

Now it’s second. Thanks to the hot water heater. We noticed the other night that there was water in the basement. Not a lot, but enough to wonder what the hell was going on. Well, the water heater decided to roll over and die. Nice, eh?

Not a good time to have to fork over serious cash. Oh wait, we don’t HAVE serious cash. Ha Ha Ha. For some crazy reason, MD said the water heater couldn’t wait for a few months for me to save a bit of money. Go figure. And guess what? They don’t cost $150 anymore. Try $450. Uh, yeah. Not sure when the HotWaterHeaterAssholes got together and decided that, but thanks.

So, a big hearty welcome to the Lowe’s card. Which has fixed both problems. Yay!

Pleasebeenoughincometaxtopaythismotherfuckeroff.

It’s a really strange feeling when you aren’t able to get angry. Because I’m not. Able to get pissed off. The rage has to be controlled, and all the minor Pissed Off varieties go with it. I can get upset and cry, but I can’t get upset and chew you a new one. I miss it. But if this is what keeps me from exploding on my family for no reason, so be it.

I wish I could make a website with all this extra time I have. I’ve tried, but I just can’t. My brain doesn’t work like it used to. I know these pills also keep me from being passionate about anything as well. And that sucks. I’m like a droid. My life is good, but it’s one flavor, you know? My life was alive before, now it’s … oh hell. No sense whining about it, I’ll never have that life again. Not as long as I want MD in my life. I’ve been “warned” that he probably can’t handle another bout of Manic Me. I know how hard it is on him and the children, so I’ll keep on keeping on. Besides, I am happy.

Enough whining.

Not much going on right now, but that’ll change later. Going to lunch with mom, dinner with her later, presents and such after that. But for now, I sit.

And pace. I’ve been doing a lot of pacing lately. I worked on the puzzle, but it’s taken me 3 days to get even a fourth of it done, and I’m no puzzle slouch. I come around the corner after getting a drink, and the damn cat is sitting right in the middle of it. I hollered, and she stood up and split – or tried to. She slipped and ripped that damn thing right in half. Shit went everywhere. I have no idea if I have all the pieces now. Bitch.

What a lame-o I am talking about a puzzle.

My baby boy is 5 today. Really, has it been that long?

I guess so.

Happy Birthday Wee One!

Well, it’s day 3 and I am slowly running out of things to do. I can think of a few more projects, and then I’m one bored ole lady. Today I’m cleaning the boys’ rooms. I should have ordered a Hazmat suit. Or bought gloves at bare minimum.

I did some research online, and went to a site listing the legitimate licensed ticket dealers, and I found a few places worth checking into. But I need to know if Animal Kingdom is decent or not. Anyone ever been? Is it better than Seaworld? Is it a glorified Busch Gardens? Would the kids like it? Would my picky mother like it? I can save $1000 if we stick with Disney parks. It appears that we will probably go to the Hollywood studios instead of Universal Studios anyway. The Disney park pass special is just too cheap to pass up. If Universal blows the other one out of the water – don’t tell me. We have a month before we buy anything, so things could change. Disney is the priority. Then one of the Studios. Then … we’ll see.

Now to figure out how much money to set aside for food. We’ll try to go as cheap as possible, but we’re still talking 8 people on the road for 4 days, then at a house/hotel for 5 days. At least we can buy groceries for the house. But what about lunch? Lunch at a theme park? I can’t imagine how costly that will be. Damn, I REALLY don’t want to think about how costly that will be. I just depressed myself.

No No No. I will not be negative about this. This is our first ever vacation – a real one – and I won’t ruin it by stressing. Income tax will give us enough for food and gas, And if that’s it, then we kick back at that house and relax by the pool and hang out at the beach for 5 days. Could be worse. Any additional money will go to buy park passes. I feel better now.

Kids have left for school, and it’s my second day as a stay at home mom. Again. I’m running out of shit to clean. And to organize. I need a hobby. Or a job. Maybe I’ll look for both today.

——

I made a promise to myself that I will no longer snack. I figure if I can quit smoking, I can quit snacking. Sounds simple, but man is this hard. I’m a snacker. That’s what I do. I rarely eat real food. But that’s all going to change. I am ONLY going to eat my three squares a day. Nothing else. I have got to lose this spare tire I’ve collected. I need this last ten-fifteen pounds gone, and I need to get back on that exercise ball. Maybe that can be my hobby.

We are going in March with my mom and my sister and her family. We’ve rented a HUGE house in Kissimmee, and now we are looking at buying tickets for the theme parks. Is there a certain place to go? Or should I just order them from Disney online? Would it be a no-no to have MD’s family buy them and give them to us?

Help please. I am so lost. Everyone tells me something different, and I’m not even sure half of these yahoos have even BEEN to Disney. We’re going to try and go to Disney, Epcot, Seaworld, and Universal Studios. That might change depending on how much we’re are willing to spend. I need to find out how much they’ll be before we can decide what all to do. Again, I’m so lost.

Any advice?

MD’s mother isn’t coming now. Something came up that she couldn’t break free from. The little ones are really bummed out. Especially MG. Her and MB5 spent hours making cards and pictures. Poor kiddos. And poor MD. I know he was looking forward to her visit. Oh well. Such is life.

I’m sitting here in my pj’s on a Monday morning when I should be at work. Instead, I’m going to get dressed and declutter this house. Or at least this room. Plenty of time to pace myself.

Well, my first official day as a Slob with no Job begins today. I’ve cleaned my little big ass off. MD’s mom is coming to visit for a week on Wednesday, and perfect timing for me to be out of work. I need to scour this dump and then I can be here to entertain her during the day. Thankfully, she’s a great lady and I have no problems with her visiting- aside from the whole scour thing.

Laundry is caught up as well. I forgot how much I can get done. I’m a cleaning whizzo. Monday will be my true test of whether or not this time off is going to make me go bugshit or not. The older kids will all be back in school, and the house should be clean. What will I do when there is nothing to do? Blog? Can’t blog all day. We did buy some puzzles to do. We are puzzle masters. Except for the one we’re doing right now. It’s a bitch and it just lays there mocking us. Or is is lies there? I can never remember.

MB1 got his ACT scores back – 23. Not bad, but not what either of us expected. And he owes me a $100. Yeah, like I’m holding my breath on that one. He’ll retake it to see if he can score higher, but he probably won’t study for that either. That kid.

MB2 is driving so much better these days. I actually let him drive to his friend’s house the other night – about 10-15 minutes away. That took a lot out of me. Still not so sure about him driving around town in the ‘big city’, but he’s getting closer. He’s so responsible with his money too. Just pleasantly surprised.

And now it’s time to go wake up both of their lazy asses.