Bought Twilight today. Almost done with it. It’s ok, but I don’t feel that strong pull to finish it like I thought I would. And while I’m curious as to the other ones in the series, I know I won’t keel over if I don’t have them RIGHT.THIS.MINUTE. Good thing too, last thing I need in my life is a book addiction. The Other Boleyn was my last addiction. Kids ate poptarts for dinner for that one. That’s been it for awhile though. I just haven’t been into reading – for a good many years. I was hoping Twilight would rev up my reading motor. And it has, I guess. Not sure what I expected. I guess it is what I expected. It’s exactly what I hoped it would be. So far, anyway. Perhaps I’ll finish it tonight. Hope I’m not too pissed off at the ending. I tend to get pissed off easily.

$2.29. That’s how much gas is today. Makes me grin. What’s your gas like? I read online that it’s now under $3. We’ve been under $3 for awhile now.

Friend and I were talking during lunch the other day, and MD’s near miss with the Army came up. My friend then asked me if I could be called up, and I said no. She said, but I thought you had the same job as MD? I told her yes, but that I was no longer eligible. Her eyes got wide, and she said – oh right. Now there were two other people with us, and of course, they were dying to know what secret I had that made me untouchable by Uncle Sam. SO MY FRIEND TELLS THEM! I work with these people! She said – she’s bipolar. And one of them said – no shit!? The other one said nothing and ate his food. I felt I immediately had to explain that I don’t hijack airplanes or date 11 year olds or dance naked in the snow. But I couldn’t say anything. I was too sick to my stomach thinking about if these two spread that shit around work, what would happen to my job? My friend sees it as no big deal. But that’s because I’m her only exposure to it. Another gal is convinced that her DIL is bipolar, and my gawd, how she rants and raves about her. She’s lazy, she’s co-dependent (ok, now maybe that one), she’s got poor hygiene, she’s a shitty mother, she’s a bad wife……..and all of this makes her bipolar. Whatever. And I’m not supposed to be WORRIED that this could spread around? Whatever.

Would YOU be nervous working next to a bipolar person. And why do I have to say that word as though I’m saying shit or something.

Almost bedtime. Thank gawd. I love her spirit, but MG can talk until your head falls off. About nothing. About everything. TalkTalkTalk. She’ll follow you to the bathroom and talk through the door. Sweet little chatterbox.

MB2 still doesn’t have his license. He about made MD shat himself yesterday while driving, so I’m not sure how many months this has put MB2 back. Guess he turned left at a stop light without yielding to oncoming traffic, and there was oncoming traffic. That was going slow thankfully. I shudder to think about what could have happened. I shudder to think of MB2 out there driving alone with his ADHD brain kicking to autopilot every now and again. “Did you take your pill MB2?” Nope. No wonder his head wasn’t all there. But damn, if he needs a pill that bad just to drive, should he be driving? Gah.

Tried to casually bring up safe sex with MB1 tonight. I do NOT want to be a grandma just yet. NONONO. He brushed me off with a laugh and said I worry too much about nothing. So I hope that means nothing is happening. I hate to seem like I condone a sexual relationship, but I hate to think about him fucking up his future even more. This shit is so much harder than the newborn stage.

MB5 is obsessed with catalogs. I mean obsessed. Carries them around wherever he goes. I went online and ordered several toy store catalogs, and he about pissed himself. Especially FAO Swartz. Now THAT’S a toy store. Holy shit. He got a new one in today, and he hasn’t stopped looking at it yet. I need to think of a way to find more. His other ones are kinda ratty.

Got a small web design job from mom. Her class is having their reunion again, and they use a website to get out the information. It’s small, and a lot of material can be reused from last time, but it’s a job. And it’s money. Not sure how much -probably not a lot at all, but it’s something. Every nickel counts towards Christmas. Which is what? 8-9 weeks away?

Egads.

MD is working at job #4. Wish I was kidding. He stocks the shelves for the beer company he works for on the weekend. Only takes a couple of hours, and the pay is decent. It’s a bill, anyway. I’ll be glad when things settle down and he doesn’t have to do all this extra shit. MB1’s senior year is a lot more expensive than I thought it was going to be. Every time we turn around, there’s something else to buy. And you have to buy it. And then there’s Christmas coming. Gah. Trying not to think about it. I wonder if the kids will take the Disney trip we’re taking as their present. I doubt it. Although MB3 did say that the soccer hoody I just bought him was all he wanted for X-Mas. Sweet kid.

If I could ever work a full week, we’d be ok. But for 3 months I’ve missed a day or a partial day for some reason or another. Appts, holidays, sick kids, sick me. Never ends. Hopefully I get stable soon – according to the doc’s assessment – and my appts can start to space out. MB2’s appt (for ADHD) are already starting to space out like MB4’s, but since they are children on stimulants, they will never go more than two months without being seen. Still better than 2-4 weeks like it has been.

Going to the pumpkin patch today after MB3’s soccer game. Little late this year. MD works so much that it’s hard finding time to do anything as a family. Enough whining. We need it, we’ll deal with it. Anyway, I saved enough money for a few pumpkins and a couple of costumes for the little ones. They ended up wanting to use some of the ones we have here already, so I’m going to let them pick a big pumpkin. They’re going to piss themselves. We got one a few years ago, and they’ve asked ever since.

Trying to get into the habit of posting every day again. But I’ve tried this before, and it obviously didn’t work very well. We’ll see how long this one lasts.

Had a few minutes in my busy as shit soccer mom life, so I thought I’d force myself to sit here and post. It’s killing me though. Reason number 54,098 to shut ‘er down. I’m told I’d regret it however, so here I sit. Or don’t sit, rather.

Anyfuckingway…….

Had another doc appt. Not even sure where I left off with that. I’m back on the abilify, higher dose, and doing great. Other meds are great. Only thing left to deal with now is the horrible anxiety I’m left with after taking away the bipolar armor I’ve become used to after all these years. Now I suddenly give a shit about other people. I give a shit what other people think. I give a shit about people’s feelings. Call me crazy. But it’s also lead to this horrid anxiety that colors my every move. So, she added a med for anxiety. We’ll see how that goes. Hope it works. Buspar?

MB1 has his first girlfriend. His first real one. Too bad the bum has no J-O-B. It’d be nice if he could take her out. He’s put his app in a few places, so we’ll see how it goes. Meanwhile his brother, MB2, has saved over a grand toward a car so far. He’s managed to impress me and my best friend – she’s going to front him the money to get a decent car, and she’s talking about paying for half of it. She’s hoping that will be motivation for the other one to get off his ass. I’m not holding my breath.

WEE ONE HASN’T HAD AN ACCIDENT IN 5 DAYS! Sitter said he even goes alone at her house. She has a smaller toilet. He has to wrangle his way around a regular toilet. I’m so happy you just do not know. Almost 18 years straight of wiping shitty ass. 18 fucking years people. My gawd. How much of my life was spent wiping ass? And it’s over? Holy mother of pearl. How sweet it is. How sweet it is. KnockKnockKnock that he doesn’t backslide. I love the little guy, but I’d have to kick his ass.

MB4 is doing well, but in school he’s still having trouble with comprehension. And if you think about it, that’s damn near every subject. To some extent. His standardized test scores came back low in language and reading. Hello. McFly. Geezus. Someone was supposed to help him take the test. Nice to see that that happened. His regular grades are about the same. Has trouble in science and social studies for the same reason. Read and answer questions – no can do. He doesn’t work that way. Conferences are next week. Teacher and I are going to have a chat.

Alright. Time for errands.