Like some sort of dream, the only acceptable color to use in this office is blue. Blue. Beautiful blue that I’ve never been able to use because of that stupid fax problem. I guess they have a way around that, and using blue means that they know they are dealing with an original copy.

Blue.

So I was thinking again. The best pens are the ones you steal find. And since I have just a teensy bit of an office supply fetish, Superior Pens are my middle name. I HAVE to use perfect pens. You know, the ones that write smooth and full. Not felt tip, I loves me some roller ball action.

Which leads me to an idea. Send me a blue pen, and if it’s The One, The Best, The Head Machismo — I’ll send you Walk Disney’s Treasures: Oswald. It’s a 2-disc Collector’s Edition in a tin box. Who is Oswald? Beats the shit outta me, but you can have it if your pen rocks my world.

Dad’s been gone almost 5 months now. Totally unreal. So that’s what happens? You plunk along every day trying to get by and then one day you realize that missing them hasn’t killed you? Still hurts like hell.

Well, the job has changed a little. A lot, actually. It seems that it takes a few months to create a new position, and the job will be temp basis only until then. Which means no benefits, basically. The pay will be a little lower, but still more than I’d make elsewhere. Could be a month or 3, or it could take a whole year if the big boss didn’t include the position in the budget. She’s pretty sure he did though.

I went ahead and said yes. I can wait for the good stuff. Get in now and get to work so I can bring home that bacon.

My friend went with me today to go shopping for clothes. Business casual. JoyJoy. Let’s spend money on clothes I don’t really like. They aren’t too bad though. Got a few pair of pants and quite a few tops. Like 6. Plus I had gone to the thrift store the night before, and had bagged a few pants and shirts then as well. So hopefully that’ll last for a while.

I’m really excited. Just need to work out the babysitting and life will be great. Mom said she would watch him until I was making enough to pay child care, but I’m not sure I trust that. She hasn’t mentioned it again, and I don’t know if I want her watching him anyway. She’s just not that type. I’ll figure something out.

And I guess the other interviews are formality. They are satisfied with my resume. I guess the things I’ve done in life have helped me to prepare for this job.

Saw the doctor for my migraines. Have a new doc in the office, and I wanted to see if he could offer any help. And help he did. I explained that my headaches are caused by scents, which means regular migraine meds don’t work. He then asked me if I trusted him, and if I would be willing to try something strange. I told him that he wouldn’t believe some of the shit I’ve done to try and kill the pain, and he laughed and said good. Then he told me he was going to give me some drops to numb my eye ….. only I was to use it in my nose on the side I felt the pain settling in. ?? I laughed, but I said I would try it.

And try it I did. I did it the other night when one of the kids sprayed air freshener, and again tonight when the neighbor boy came over smelling like a dimestore hooker. And it worked. Ain’t that something? It feels strange, because it actually numbs the back of your throat and your tongue, but it also severes the pain connection that is trying to form between my sinuses and my brain. I’m just so impressed I could kiss the man. Except he looks like Mork.

Head is still spinning about the job. I can think of a million different reasons why the guys wouldn’t like me. I’ve been out of work for so long. I’m crazy. I can’t type. I’m crazy.

Then again, I know for a fact that I was the best assistant in the universe in my early restaurant days. I did it before it needed done, and I loved doing it. I liked not having the boring shit to worry about, I just like to work. My friend’s work ethic is very similar to mine, and I’m not sure if that would be a good thing or a bad thing? I’m willing to try anyway.

——

Boys can’t get enough of that rock band. Or that Wii. Love me some Mario Party. I actually have a fighting chance with this system. The other Mario Partys have me fubar trying to figure out the controller.

——

Still seemed wrong to celebrate and have fun without dad here. It really stung yesterday. It just defies all logic that he’s gone.

My best friend came over last night. She was given an incredible promotion this week. She now needs an assistant. A full time assistant. Salaried position making a very decent salary. An 8 to 4 job with fantastic benefits with a company that is known for how it treat its employees.

And she said last night that if I thought I could work ‘for’ her, then she’d me to apply. I’d have to interview with 2 of her bosses, but she doesn’t think it would be a problem.

I might be getting a job. Huh.

Mr Bean’s Holiday ……………….. Karen
Shrek ……………………………… Karl
P.S. I Love You Soundtrack………Lani
P.S. I Love You Soundtrack………Holly

Congratulations, and thanks again

Razor A Kick Scooter $28
Moon Sand Adventure Island $20
Baby Alive $20
Play-Doh Super Craft Caddy $10
Barbie Adjustable Inline Skates $27

I wanted to get a few of the Transformers that were on the tree, but pickin’s in that area were slim. Popular toys this year. But, we had fun regardless. Definitely something we will try to squeeze in every year. Who knows, maybe next year we can actually sponsor a family. That would be cool.

Thanks to everyone that donated. Will draw names for the loot just as soon as my head stops pounding.

Her PET scan came back positive. Signs of activity in her stomach and breast. More tests and scans to follow. Areas are small, so that’s a bit of good news.

If you pray, please send a word up or two. If not, cross your fingers or something.

Could someone please help me? I was sewing, quiet you, anyfarginway, I was sewing, minding my own business — with no problems — then BAM, I notice a clusterfuck developing underneath. So I pulled out the fabric to have a look, and there is this monster thread disaster going on. I clean it up, and clean out the bobbin area for pieces, and get it all set back up. I start to sew, and notice that something isn’t right. I flip the fabric over, and the stitches aren’t looping. I can pull them right out. The top looks ok, but there’s nothing catching underneath. I hope that makes sense. Mom swears there is something caught, but I have cleaned it out 3 times now. I’m damn near in tears over this shit. I HATE being a dipshit about stuff.

Anyone have any idea what this could be? Even a push in the right direction would be great.

It’s amazing how quickly you get back to regular life after something like this. The kids have, rather. I am still going through the day in awe of what I can do now. Like use the microwave. And the toaster. And the fridge. Blow dry my hair. Much to be thankful for this year. Couldn’t have happened at a better time, because my Christmas spirit needed a kick in the pants.

Struck me really hard this week how much we miss dad as a family. His presence was needed, and it was felt to the core that he wasn’t here. Suddenly, it was MD and I as AnswerMen for the family, and it felt very odd. Very cold. Then to top it off I saw a handful of elderly folks out shopping and holding hands and it struck me like a truck how my dad isn’t ever going to be a little old man. He’s already gone. He’ll never be here again. It’s never felt as final as it does now. I hope I’m almost done delving into the different layers of grief, because I’m not sure if I can handle anything more painful than what’s being thrown at me now.

I appreciate how mom helped us the first 2 days, but I couldn’t stay there anymore and deal with it. Her. Not sure if she’ll ever let go of the helpless victim shit, and it gets old. Fast. When the friend offered the generator to us after his power was restored, she didn’t want it at her house because she was afraid it would blow up or something. Her furnace is new, and she didn’t trust anything else running it. So, we brought it home. And delighted in it. And invited her, to which she refused. Said she was fine. Yet, she called every so many hours to let us know how miserable she was. Think that is one of my biggest pet peeves. Martyr yourself all you want, but you aren’t allowed to rent billboard space and advertise your sacrifice. Gah.

Now that I’m ready to get a job, there aren’t any. Ain’t it the way. Can’t work at Hospice without a handful of previous duties/certifications. No jobs available where my friend works. MD wants me to try the babysitting thing. Just not sure. I just know that the budget needs some help. Seriously. Both our taxes and our insurance was raised on the house – $1700 for both. How’s that for raising your payment a little? Sweet, eh? And regular real estate taxes were high because of school improvements for this county. They tripled from what we usually pay. We’ll be fine, I just need a job. And if that means school gets postponed, you do what you gotta do. I’m not going to cry about it. I just want us to be ok.

ThankyouJesusThankyouJesusThankyouJesus

My gawd. 5 days with no power will set your priorities straight. Especially when it’s 10 degrees outside. And your food is spoiled. And there is no place to buy more. And you have 6 kids that are hungry.

I am so very thankful that this shit is ending. Can’t say it’s over yet, as this tiny town has regained and lost power every day so far, but at least we’re now included with those that get to have it at night. We left to give the generator a break, and when we got home, there was a truck in front of our house. One of THE trucks. The trucks that make you cry. And then they pulled into the alley, and I did cry. MD and I drove off to get them some coffee, and when we came back ……. POWER! I’d have their children if my womb wasn’t closed for business.

We spent today cleaning up a bit as well. Fridge and freezers – egads. Gross. Cleaned out and ready to go. Outside, we … ok, MD took care of most of the front yard, and now just the side and back to do. And it was cold. Snow blowing in yer face and shit. Miserable. I just kept taking breaks to warm my toes. I don’t think MD has cold sensors. He was out there for hours. Hours. I was ready to sell our shit and move back to FL after 15 minutes.

Brings families together? This here family was about ready to rip each other’s throats out. I sent the three oldest to friend’s houses (with power) for the weekend. Couldn’t handle that shit any more. I haven’t been very nice to be around either, and then MD shook the pill box. OOops. Guess skipping them babies for a week isn’t the thing to do. Especially when you start your period as well. But what kind of shit is that? To have to worry about that at a time like this. Very fucking rude, that’s what it is.

I’m going to take a hot bath with the light on and then I’m going to watch a movie. I hope everyone affected by this storm and the one happening now have power again and are safe and comfortable. This was a hard thing to live through. I’m glad it’s over.

Pics up.

I am thankful for heat.
And hot food.
And tv.
And warm toilet seats.
And ice.
No, fuck ice.
And friends.
And family.
And cars with heat.
And school.
And my husband who will stand outside in 16 degree weather for 30 minutes trying to fix the generator when he’s honestly never seen one before let alone fixed one and yet, somehow, he does it. And we’re warm again. And then he takes a shower when it’s still 48 in the house so he can go to work and earn that bacon. I heart him.

We are back home, but not sure how long. Friend lent us a generator, and we are able to heat the house, and turn on one light at a time, and run either the tv or the puter. None of this at once lol. But, the heater is on full blast and after a rough spell with it last night, I think it’s ok now. Was a rough night. A really rough night. What decisions you make for yourself in times like these are completely different when you have little ones to think about. Little ones that are cold.

We chose to come home because, well, it’s home. Mom only had heat during the day, and at night it was a little rough too. The gas heater kept kicking off, and we were scared it would do it at night when we were all sleeping and the gas would hit a candle……. and yeah. Boom. So, the generator was a welcome gift. And there is power across the street, so we’re hoping it finds us soon. We’re still told 5-7 days, but I refuse to hear that.

Our yard looks like a war zone. Trees everywhere. Our big tree in the back split and fell onto our shed and parts into the nursing home ‘yard’ behind us. That will be expensive to clean up. Estimates are at $600-$1600. Gouging motherfuckers. Not sure how that’ll happen for the Moody Family, but I’m hoping another miracle will find its way here.

Food is all nasty. Will be cleaning out fridge and freezers today. That startup food bill will cost another small fortune, but again, we’ll find a way. Thank gawd for mom, who fed us the past 3 days. Would have been a scary time without her.

Well, kids are waking and they haven’t watched tv since Monday, so I guess I’ll give it up for now. Send sunshine my way please. Instead of this 4 inches of snow expected tonight. Joy.

Thanks for the thoughts.

Angie wanted me to let you all know that due to the ice storm they will be out of power for at least a week maybe two. She won’t be able to update the Xmas contest total until she is back online. When I talked to her they were heading out to our mom’s house. She would also like me to tell ya all that this whole thing “Sucks Big Hairy Balls”.

—–Moodysister

Have a new Shrek the Third dvd to throw into the mix for the donation contest.

Word to the wise. If you want to raise more money, make sure the guy ringing the bell doesn’t look like a convicted serial killer. A cannibalistic one. Gah. I seriously wanted to hit him with my purse as I walked by.

Are poptarts an acceptable lunch for your kids when you AREN’T depressed? ‘Cause I swear I was going to fix the boy a meal and he threw an effin fit for a blueberry poptart. So I gave it to him. Because I’m going back to work and his spoiled fit throwing ass won’t be my problem. I also have to get into the habit of giving him whatever he wants so that he still loves me more than the day care lady. ‘Cause MB3 used to call his lady mom sometimes, and when I heard MB4 call her mom for the first time, that’s when I quit my job in FL. Can’t be having that. Being away from them is gut ripping enough.

I took Tink’s advice and bought a few yards of the $1 material at Walmart. Going to give curtains a go. No pattern. For some reason, I can see how to do it in my mind. We’ll see if my mind’s on crack or not shortly. I don’t feel guilty for this $5 purchase because we actually need curtains in the kitchen. I don’t feel guilty for the $1.43 I spent on the remnant for the placements because my daughter needed them. Gawd she loves it when we eat family style. I do too, baby.

But that’s it for ideas. What kinds of things can I make that are NEEDED or USEFUL, but still easy enough for me to learn right now? I’ve made dresses and shirts from patterns, but that was 25 years ago, and I’m not seeing that happen just yet. Did find a cute one, but it had binding, and I’m not that retarded to think I could do that this year. Or next. But surely there must be more flat square shit I can sew and then point to, claim credit, and cheese.

And I will admit to spending another $3 on some remnants. But OMG they are so cute. Not cute. Pretty. One is a white with a soft slate blue designs, and the other is that same slate blue material. Go together like whips and chains.

Shit, I have to do laundry. That’s a mood buster.

Have two cd’s to add to the donation mix.

A cd of music from the motion picture : P.S. I love you

Not really familiar with it, but what do I know.

il
tx 3
ia 2
fl 5
mo 7
tn 2
ca 3
nj 2
md 2
ar
me
ma 2
sc
oh 3
co
ontario 2
bc 2
in
ut
or
nc
mi
ct

I’m just really dumb to think things ever go smoothly. I found an in home day care right around the corner – $75 a week. Not bad. That’s what I was going to charge. But isn’t it sad that I’m seriously going to have to rearrange the budget to cough up the ….. $300 it’ll take to get me to my first paycheck. Ok, Ok, it won’t take a month to get paid, but I know how pay periods work. Could either be 3 weeks and a full check or wait two weeks for a shitter check. Then again, I’ve only ever been paid every two weeks. Not sure what the deal is for weekly. I just know that the first check will probably suck and won’t pay for care, so I need to make sure I can swing it for awhile without my money.

Well, I guess I should get a job first. Well, well, I guess I should get through these last two appts first. But I have always been a go getter. Even if what I’m going to get is stress.

And for those of you with IE, sorry, the skins render like ass. I’m too tired tonight, but tomorrow maybe I’ll see if I can fix it.

My ho is finally up. Along with my present topper that I’ve hung on to for two years now. Not sure why my brain is suddenly able to go about coding (albeit a bit half-assed), but I guess I should get to those skins while I have the chance.

I start Abilify on the 19th. Not sure what that is or what it’ll do in terms of side effects, but I’m hoping it’s the one for me. I love the hell outta Zyprexa, but I loved Risperdal and Seroquel too. I love what they do for me, but I can’t handle what they do TO me. One made me a zombie, one took my sex bits and squished ‘em, and one is making me the Twinkie Queen. And for those of you that would say, just stop eating pig bitch. It’s really not that simple. Telling my mouth not to eat right now is futile. I’m shoving shit in before I even know what I’m doing. I’ve tried to watch it for over a week now, and it’s almost as hard as quitting smoking. No shit. Need to Feed. Never full. Always hungry. Starving. Probably why it destroys your lipids and makes you diabetic. Makes sense. I cut WAY back on what I was eating, and I still gained 2 pounds last week. Not much you say? Try gaining 2-3 pounds EVERY week for 3 months. Yeah, not too laughable now. I’m fucking devastated. Can’t stay this way. So, the Zyprexa is out and in two weeks I start another pill that hopefully makes me a nice person and not an eating machine.

Thanks to some wonderful people, I have $30 so far for the Wish Tree. We went to the one at the mall, but it sucked. Just a generic card that you fill out after you buy something. Yuck. BUT, found the one at WalMart, and it has actual wishes on it. So, we’ll use that one. Probably do it next week for those wanting to particpate.

———

The default templates should work now too. Still working on the other one. Still. Bitch’ll never get done.

———-

There is a friggin’ blizzard going on around here. Ok, we’re getting a shitload of snow. Didn’t get much last year. Hardly any at all, so the kids will be thrilled. They have yet to use their new (2 years ago new) snow …. snow. …… ? what the hell are they? …. tubes? Sort of. Yeah, snow shimmiers. They should break lots of bones with them bitches this weekend.

Trying to keep the mess on the testing site, but I needed to get the switcher installed …… so, it’s installed, and it’s working. I think. Mostly. Don’t click the defaults yet or you’ll be stuck until I upload the code. Which I guess I have to do now. Sweet.

Anyhooo – Gift is back for the holiday cheer. And a new Xmas one is going up soon. I’ve been trying to get her up for 3-4 years now. Heh.

Miami Ink almost makes me forget how damn bad it hurt.

There is a friend of my cousin who said he will fix mine (the color. I hate the color), and give me the guardian angel tattoo for dad for under $100. Now I just have to get a job and give myself an early bday present.

We spent all day staining the table and chairs. And those are my nifty placemats — just don’t look at the seam!

I had wee one pose to prove he is more than just a head these days.

Taking MB1 to have his wisdom teeth pulled. Should be fun. Actually, the fun part comes AFTER when I stop by and grab an ARBYQ and he has to sit and drool shit all over himself.

The spam in my email from this site is getting ridiculous. Time to start screwing shit up. If you suddenly find yourself not able to email or post — holler at me. Please and thank you.

I’m not doing so well on this diet. Michelle reminded me of a sure fire alternative [[ Topamax ]] , but for now I think I have to pass.

Dad’s been gone for almost 4 months now. Amazing how time just marches right the fuck on. Mom’s birthday is in 3 days as well. What the hell does my broke ass do for that? Maybe I can invite her over here? She likes the boat, but I don’t. Might as well walk up to the guards and hand them my wallet, turn around and leave — would save me from smelling like a bar when I left.

I felt like having a smoke for the first time in a long time the other night. MD said he would be disappointed in me. Hello pot, meet kettle. MD said he’s quitting, but I know he needs help. Patches obviously didn’t work, so I thought wellbutrin or that new one? I think that’s what keeps me from even thinking about it. I could care less, even when he smokes in front of me — except the other night. Not sure what happened there. Actually, thinking of working in hospice did it. Might have to rethink that one. For now anyway. Maybe it’s too soon to be thinking about working around dying people. But there’s this job at the hospital — hospice aid. Shit work — literally — but I figured it’d be a test. If I can’t be an aid? I can’t be a nurse. Right? Right. Although being a mom sure helps to test me.

Wow, lots to say in the morning. When it’s quiet. Maybe that’s my problem — I try to force myself to write when there are 50 million other things to do and 50 million people standing around asking something of me.

I was actually bored yesterday. I wrote — 2 — 3 page essays, and gave my brain a break the rest of the time. Mom bought me a sewing machine, and I bought a remnant and made cute little placemats, but now I’m fabric-less, and I’ll be damned if I spend money around Christmas-time on fabric to play with. Hell, to learn with. That’ll have to wait a bit. ALthough I am sewing the hell out of every rip , tear , and hole I can find. Just ask MB4, whose favorite pj bottoms are no longer wearable because I sewed the ass too puckered. Not sure how to describe it other than that. Just know they were fucked up. I tried.

And I really want to get the XMas skin up this year. I’ve been trying to get it done for how many years? Many. Perhaps I can do that this week. Expect a lot of curse words. Shocking, I know.

I’ve stopped taking the Zyprexa. I love it. It’s perfect for me — except the weight gain. I’ve gained 23lbs since I’ve started taking it. That’s only been 2-3 months. I just can’t do it. There’s no way to describe the urge to eat, and how hard it is to resist it, but I’d say it ranks up there with trying to quit smoking. It simply consumes you.

There’s one more she can try, and the side effects are very low. I hope it works, or else I’m back to Risperdal and a broken sex life. Unfortunately, I need this class of drugs. It’s the one thing that keeps the rage in check, and trust me — I need it in check.

How did we get so far off base that the woman who is in charge of teaching my son has to moonlight at the grocery store to make it every month, yet the man who entertains my son on television has 6 custom cars?

Something just feels off there.

You must write a minimum of 1,500 words in reference to the information presented below. There is no maximum word count. We will focus on grammar and your ability to present ideas clearly. Include a Works Cited page, with a minimum of three sources. The essay must follow the Modern Language Association (MLA) system for documenting sources, which is set forth in the MLA Handbook for Writers of Research Papers, 6th edition (New York: MLA, 2003). Submit your essay, using the form below. Do not send your transcript unless it is requested.

eh?

nyucknyuck — can some kind soul translate the above pile of hogwash for this hick?

Geezus. I’m getting hives just reading this shit, and it’s for a tiny ESSAY. What the FUCK am I going to do when it’s actual COLLEGE work? What am I thinking? What in the samhell makes me think I can do this? Omghell I’m about to hyperventilate.

Ok, breathing…. Now, so there’s a certain way to document sources and it has it’s own BOOK? S’Cuse me while I burst into tears. And laughter. I think something just popped behind my left eye.

And these are just scholarships. One is 3 pages long. For a mere $1k. Turds.

The kids were the ones that suffered when we chose not to have the family Thanksgiving dinner here. No one had it at all, and the kids look forward to it. I felt bad. I still feel bad. I know Dad would not be pleased to know that we ditched it this year on account of the blues. Perhaps I will try to be very careful with money so we can have Christmas here again. Would make the kids smile.

—

Stuck home today thanks to the rain and ice. No matter. Staining anyway. Too damn cold to go anywhere anyway.