Ok, look. A paypal link goes against I believe in, but if one more person emails me about it, I’m going to need medication. More medication. The link is up, but I’ll have you (yes you) know that I’ll feel guilty every time someone clicks on it. We all get shit on in life and we all have money troubles at some point, and why the hell should I be any different than anyone else. When I win the lottery, certain people are going to be very pleasantly surprised.

——

That said, I think my head is slowly adjusting. State of shock pretty much describes the past week. Even though we knew it was coming, it still stings.

The place he’s at is great. Except they only pay every two weeks. And of course we started on the first week – which means payday is 3 weeks away. Joy. And the benefits are fantastic – except they don’t have dental. Umm, the dentist is expensive. The dentist x 8 is crippling. No more fucking sugar in this house.

——

Dad had his end-of-chemo tests done today, plus additional shit because his phosphate came back high on his bloodwork. Like 462 high. The results come in on Monday, and we’re all going. By all I mean mom and me and my sister, who came into town a few days ago. Maybe this way we can hear the truth, and not some bullshit that spills out of mom’s mouth. She’s so high up on my shit list these days, I can’t even begin to understand why society has let her live this long. She’ll tell my sister one thing, and then tell me the exact opposite later that afternoon. And then holler when you call her on it. I just want to know the truth about what’s going on with dad. She tells MS all this bad shit, and then tells me how uneventful things are. And let’s not start on how she treats strangers. Especially people who work around food. Food that feeds her. Food that is no doubt run through the specialty section when she tells them how fucking stupid they are — even though all they tried to do was verify the order. Her special order. But I have no doubt it’s fantasticly special by the time the employees in the kitchen are done with it. Such a mean woman. She’s going to have problems later on when she finds herself in need of care. She’s going to wish she was nicer.

Well, let’s see…..

MD is hand picked to be considered for a promotion last week.
Wednesday he’s given a raise for excellent performance.
Thursday afternoon, he’s let go for poor performance per an evaluation – that never took place.

Yeah, we were a tad bit confused too. We thought they’d at least have the balls to say — your FIL is still going after us for wrongfully canning his ass, so your ass is out of here too. Or — since taking over the shop, I’ve tried to get rid of all the old timers who know more than I do about building these trains, so you’re one of the last to go.

At least be honest. We knew it was coming. We knew the closer my dad’s case got to court, it would get sticky at work. We just thought they’d handle it a bit better, I guess. Then again, this is XXX we’re talking about. They don’t do a damn thing that makes sense.

Anyhoo, MD starts another job on Monday. Back on a truck slinging brewskies. Friend of his owns the Bud place here, and it’s the quickest way to hop back up to the pay he was making. It’s not QUITE as much, but it will be after he’s on his own route. And in the meantime, I’m to push his resume out at every opportunity I come across. I know he does not want to be on a truck forever. We thought he was done with that shit.

My biggest fear? Insurance. We get it after 90 days. Ummm, going 90 days without meds is not going to be pretty. I have enough for MB4, but I need to see the doc for refills. And even if I go see her and pay out of pocket for the visit, how much are my meds going to cost without insurance? Gawd, do I want to know? The lithium is cheap. I THINK the wellbutrin would be cheap — the generic anyway. But the other 2? I just don’t know.

So…lots of changes going on. If I need to, this site will go byebye. Not decided yet. Lot to think about.

Based on Katherine Paterson’s Newbery Award-winning novel, Bridge to Terabithia recounts the heartwarming tale of kids who stumble upon the fantasy kingdom Terabithia, where they face the challenges of childhood and learn that friendship is life’s one true reward. Jess Aarons—played by Josh Hutcherson (“RV”)—a shy, artistic 5th grade boy, is the fastest runner in school until new girl in town, outgoing Leslie Burke (“Charlie and the Chocolate Factory” star AnnaSophia Robb), busts Jess’s speed record. The two eventually form a friendship over their love of storytelling and discover that the make-believe world they created has come to life in a secret forest. Their adventures in Terabithia, where they are crowned king and queen, help them face the challenges of growing up.

———

The kids love this movie. The older ones, that is. MG and MB5 weren’t all that interested, but the rest of the kids have watched it several times already. MB1 read the book a few years back, and couldn’t wait to see the movie.

I haven’t watched it yet. I know it’s sad, and I have enough of that shit in my life as it is. I’ll watch it someday when I don’t feel so raw.

Dad’s got three more ‘boost’ treatments to go, and he’s done with radiation. He also has only more chemo, so it seems they might wait to do all the scans at once. I personally think they should just SCAN HIM RIGHT FUCKING NOW so I don’t have to sit and chew my nails for two more fucking weeks.

MB4 took a dive at school yesterday. On the concrete. With his face. 3 cuts, 9 stitches, swollen eye, jacked up cheek, and the joy of trying to hold an 80lb 8 year old down so the doctor could stick a needle in his face FOUR times. AND??!! The kids trounced right on over him as he lay there, and one ass stepped on his glasses. His NEW glasses. They ones that cost me $200, and they are fucking destroyed. Oh, sorry. It’s not like I was saving up for MG’s glasses or my glasses. Gawd.

That meeting? For the pool? Yeah, let’s go yadayadayada and hear them go okeyfine but we’re ain’t changing shit. Dirtbags.

I keep trying that epilator and it keeps gnawing at my skin like a weed whacker. My legs are just horrid. Horrid.

I got pissed and cut bangs. Don’t cut yourself some bangs when you have curly hair. You will look like a buffoon. I’ll enjoy the fucking decade it takes to grow them out.

MD was selected to interview for another position within the company. Decent amount of travel, but would actually be home more than he is now. 15K pay raise. Plus vehicle allowance. Gas. Bonus. He won’t get it — one guy is the boss man’s son, and the other guy has been in this position in another division for quite awhile — but it’s pretty cool just daydreaming about it.

Not sure what to make of these pills. I feel MOSTLY better rage-wise, but I still have a couple weeks to reach the full benefit time frame. I guess you could say that somehow I’m not skipping off a bridge over this shit with dad — so that’s a good thing. My head feels clearer. I have been taking the wee one for daily walks. Outside. I’ve been taking them all out at night (BY MYSELF) to play and water the flowers. This is huge for me people. I haven’t done some of the weird shit I do in regards to routines? Compulsions is more like it. Strange sense of ‘have to’. But that’s easing off. Ok, I have to explain. I have to open my money program before I pull up my bank account online — or else all my money will disappear. Yes, I believe this. Have done this for 7 years now. I don’t know why it started. I just know that I do it. Without fail, just in case. Well, I did it about half way today. I pulled it up and didn’t look at it. THEN I opened up money. Maybe someday I can actually look at the account first. Yes, I know. And let me just say that this is only one of many many … have to’s. No, I would not like to talk about my son’s OCD. He got it from my mom. I’m just weird.

Anyfuckingway…..these pills. They make my legs ache. Severe muscle cramps? Aches? Whatever. Maybe it’s not the pills. Maybe I’m just getting old. That would suck.

And now not only are my hands and arms twitching, but my legs are too. ALLDAYLONG. They just jump out there and snap back. I fucking hate it. I thought giving the risperdal the boot would help shit — until I remember that I switched it with Seroquel. Same class. I can live with it – as long as it doesn’t get any worse. One of the sites said I could lip smack. I tell you what. If my lips ever started mashing on their own, I’m gonna knock the fuck out of somebody. Not cool.

Mr. Magoo has managed to bumble his way to good fortune for more than 60 years. His endearing misadventures in everyday life and his stubborn self-confidence have entertained generations. For the first time on DVD, the complete Mr. Magoo Show! 26 full shows, which have all been digitally re-mastered, featuring 130 vintage Magoo cartoons in this collectable 4 disc set. Each DVD set includes a 1963 reprint comic book and is available on June 5th for an SRP $26.95.

~~~~~~

Honestly, the kids didn’t really enjoy this. They may have watched for a bit here and there, but I don’t think any of them watched an entire episode. MD and I watched more, but not much more. However, our parents have shown great interest in watching them lol.

lady on her cellphone in front of me in line –

“….yeah, I like that too, but my legs go numb real quick. Ruins it for me…… Oh yeah, I forgot about that one, but man, if the guy’s dick is big and solid, that way kinda hurts…….. no, no, that way sucks, I don’t dig any position where my cooter ain’t getting any action……”

!?!

Sure the fuck glad I didn’t have my kids with me.
Nasty bitch. Talk about that shit in front of your kids, not mine.

“I get to bring her home on Monday. It’s about time. She can’t talk. She can’t walk. I don’t care. I just want her back. I don’t know what I’d do if I didn’t get her back.”

-Elderly neighbor whose wife is dying from throat cancer

That’s how a spouse is supposed to be.

Trying to digest some things that my mom has done and said the past few days. Things done and said to my father. Horrible things. She’s always said some mean shit, but this stuff takes the cake. I am utterly speechless how you can say these things to your husband of 37 years. To your husband headed into the final stretch of his life. Things that are making me cry.

I can’t stand the thought of them alone. If she told me these things like it was nothing, what the hell is she doing to and saying to him that’s she NOT telling me about. He’ll just take it and suffer silently. Dad’s the strongest and scariest man I know, but he’s also the kindest. He’d never hurt her in the same way just to get back at her.

And don’t say that she’s just reacting to the situation. Oh, I know she is. Dad won’t be around to maintain her lifestyle. They aren’t rich, but dad has allowed for her to only work when she chooses. Now she has to work full time and she throws it in his face every chance she gets. And don’t say this stage is perfectly normal as she works through her anger. The tumors are pressing on the part of his brain that affect his legs and feet. They are numb, but he’s still able to walk for the most part. He limps a little from time to time. Mom told him to stop faking shit for sympathy. Told him to stop with the limping bullshit. She told him that she was going to sell all his shit and sell the house and get rid of the dogs when he dies. She was calling him selfish for wanting a recliner that has the buttons to help you get out of it. Was too much money, and he didn’t need that shit. Yet she can spend $408 on glasses the week before, ’cause she needed them for work — cause she’s the one supporting them now. Can’t forget that. Let me point out that you can get a nice pair of glasses around here for $200. I can’t think of the word I’d like to call her right now. Nothing fits. I think I should go hang out in a truck stop for inspiration.

Having a hard time. I feel physically sick from everything that’s happening. Not a good time to be breaking in new meds. Especially slow-acting ones. I need to get my ass back on the phones to finish calling for these donated items. Just haven’t been with it the past week. This week isn’t shaping up any better.

*_Synopsis_*

Ten-year-old Arthur (Highmore), in a bid to save his grandfather’s house from being demolished, goes looking for some much-fabled hidden treasure in the land of the Minimoys, a tiny people living in harmony with nature.

———-

A real cute story that everyone enjoyed.

………..

It’s been several days, and the kids keep watching it at least once a day.

I am addicted to Deadliest Catch. Seriously.

Make sure to celebrate your friends and loved ones who have kicked cancer’s ass. Today is National Cancer Survivors Day. I’m going to try and be thankful that my sister beat it, and not wallow around because dad will not.

Those bastards. The pool isn’t going to cost us $380 — it’ll be $500. ??? What a bunch of pricks. Who can afford that shit? It’s not like we’re talking about Adventure Island. It’s a pool. Not a very big one at that. Assholes. There is a parks and recreation dept meeting in two weeks over this. I got a feeling it’ll be a hoot.

–

Still not hungry. Thought the seroquel would help that, but I’ve lost another 4 lbs. Not that I’m complaining. But I don’t want to lose anymore, and I don’t see the end in sight. I wonder what the hell is wrong? I force myself, but it’s a weak attempt. I just don’t want to eat, and if your body says no, it’s hard to overpower that. The fact that it’s starting to get hot doesn’t help matters. No one wants to eat in the summer.

–

The more I read about dad’s situation, the sadder I get. This is really happening and there’s nothing I can to stop it. Mom alternates between lala land and reality. Which is better than last time I guess. She read somewhere that a man lived 7 years with this same type of situation, and she’s clinging to that for dear life. She also read that the outlook is good if the person is under 60 and has less that 3 tumors. I just don’t know what to say to her anymore.