It’s going to drive me fucking nuts. I gob the lotion on like he told me, but it still itches like mad.

–

Had a nice weekend. Spent Saturday outside in the yard, and it looks great. Then a friend of mine took all the kids for an overnight trip to her house. Yeah. We were all alone. I honestly don’t remember the last time we were completely alone the whole night. We went out to dinner (barf), and then spent the evening enjoying grownup talk. We enjoyed other things too.

–

Folican Folican, you are my hero. I can really tell a difference when it’s in his system. He’s able to stop and chat awhile, and he’s not in constant motion. He’s not a whirlwind flying around the house. He can settle down when I ask him to. Of course, he’s still an 8 year old boy, but I can handle normal. The only problem is that it only lasts 6-8 hours – so it wears off early afternoon. So the days are great, and then it wears off. Might just be tough though, as I don’t know what kind of dose he’s on – low, high, etc.

–

Spring is here and I’m on cloud nine.

–

We took MB2 tanning yesterday after his dermatology appt. Although his eczema is getting better, it’s still an all over outbreak this year – and it’s creeping onto his face. He wears more and more clothing to cover it up. I can’t imagine how hard it is being a teenager with that shit. It’s hard enough going through high school without having to worry about a skin condition. This is the first year it’s been this bad. Usually it attacks his arms and small areas of his legs. This time it’s everywhere – and heavy. He’s on a heavy steroid, but it takes time and the harsh winter didn’t help things at all. Doc said it’s because he didn’t spend 24/7 outside swimming like he usually does. He wanted to be cool and goth – which means no tan. He’s paying for that decision now.

ANyway, the doc said that tanning and the sun would help tremendously – BUT he can’t recommend it as a dermatologist. I took that as a hint to at least try it. Maybe we can stunt it long enough so the medicine can make some leeway. We only let him for a few minutes. We’ll see if it does anything. I’ll let him go one more time next week and go from there. It’s getting nicer and nicer outside, so he can get some real sun now. Except he’s so embarrased that he won’t wear shorts or short sleeve shirts – even here in the yard. And he wears gloves. I finally learned that he’s keeping his hair long to hide the back of his neck – which is bad Poor kid. I’ll try anything to help him.

Dad’s scans are scheduled for the 29th. Keep him in your thoughts please. Hard to believe we are halfway through another round of chemo. Not sure what he’ll decide if the news isn’t good. Trying not to think about it.

Had MB4’s evaluation today. They spent about 2 hours with us, and determined that everything on his rap sheet now is correct. They are officially dx’ing him with atypical autism, bipolar disorder, adhd (omg was that ever present today), and ocd. So now he’s official, of age, whatever. School can’t crawl through a “provisional dx” loophole anymore when it comes to services. I’m happy. I get the finished report in about a week.

Got him home and gave him the Focalin, and within 30 minutes he was a different child. Still not sold on it, but I’m getting there.

It’s a darker peach, and I love it. I’ll try to take a picture later.

And uh, that sumbitch lied. It hurt like a mother. Still does. I guess that’s because the last time it was simply an outline, and now we’re talking a complete fill in. But damn, ouchie ouch. Would I do it again? Not sure yet. But I’m happy with this one. Especially because it’s done.

Happy Birthday MD! Nice of you to join me at 35.

Over the past few weeks, we’ve been slowly letting MB1 go out more and stay out longer – not to mention ride in the car with friends driving. He has a curfew, but I don’t think he understood that he could manage his own time. He’s been calling and informing me of every destination, and while I love it, I knew I needed to trust him more and let him have a bit more freedom. I told him that as long as I would approve of where he’s at and what he’s doing, then there’s no need to call as long as he has his phone and I can contact him whenever I want.

Tonight he has plans to go play tennis with his youth group. And then they’ll probably do something afterward, but he’s not sure what that is. It killed me to say ok, just be home by 11pm. We’ve entered into the age where we see just how level-headed he is. He makes his own choices and we hope he makes the right ones. No one is going to be there to supervise. Drinking, drugs, sex…. throw in the shitty driving of most teens, and I’ve just made myself sick.

They are releasing a complete season box set ahead of the movie.

PROGRAM DESCRIPTION

This March, prepare for a pizza-loving, reptilian invasion as the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles take center stage in celebration of their 25th anniversary! For the first time ever, fans of the classic television series can own a complete season box set as Lionsgate releases to DVD Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Season 4 on March 13th. Starring Leonardo, Donatello, Michaelangelo and Raphael, all 40 shell-kicking episodes from season 4 are available for the first-time together in this five-disc DVD box set, complete with special features for the first time as well as 3D plastic-molded packaging modeled after the turtles themselves! Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Season 4 will be available in stores just weeks before the highly-anticipated, CG-animated feature film release from Warner Bros. on March 30th.

A true pop culture staple, the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles franchise has enjoyed success spanning different generations. The popular classic television series of the 1980s and 1990s has enjoyed phenomenal success on DVD with more than 400,000 units shipped to date. In addition, the all-new television series, TMNT Fast Forward, currently airs daily on Fox’s 4Kids TV programming block, boasting more than 1.2 million viewers and reaching a whole new generation of fans.

DVD SPECIAL FEATURES

· “The Shredder: Inside the Turtle’s Most Fearsome Foe” featurette, featuring James Avery (from TV’s “The Fresh Prince of Bel Air”)

· “Underneath the Shell with Krang and Slash ” featurette, featuring Pat Fraley

· “Fresh from the Oven” TMNT’s recipe for their favorite “cowabunga” pizza

~~~~~~~~~

Haven’t watched it to see how the kids like it. They seem interested though. There’s 920 minutes on this DVD, so they’d better like it.

I must be a witch. I mention Light The Night, and get a registration request. I need to go through the archives here and see when it usually happens, ’cause I know it isn’t this early.

–

Wee one walked up to me this morning and threw his arms around my neck. I hugged him back, and he said I Yuv You Mommy. He said it twice before I could say anything – I was speechless. I’ve been asking him to say it for over a year now. I told him I loved him, and he smiled and said it again. That made my day.

–

Wee one also asked for the first time to use the potty chair – and then actually used it. Hasn’t happened since, but I’m thrilled that the seed has been planted.

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Is it wrong of me to suddenly remember why we don’t need to go to the store right after my daughter gets ready to go by dressing in her favorite silky princess skirt and her feather boa?

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Do really old bipolar people have to take their medicine? Mean and crazy anyway, who’d know the difference? And who could afford old age meds AND bipolar meds? Not me.

–

I still can’t tell is the new med she gave MB4 is working or not. I asked him if he could think better and sit still easier and pay attention more. He said kinda, yes, and maybe. I’ve written a note to his teacher to get her opinion. I guess it’s helping. He’s still a 7 year old boy, and by law is supposed to be a spirited handful, so it’s hard to tell. I do know that he’s having very calm conversations with me when something goes wrong or not his way and usually he’d be a screaming mess – but is that the new med or the others?

But I still haven’t decided what I’m doing here yet. It’s like pulling fucking teeth to get my ass to post anymore. Then again, I hate the thought of someone else snatching it up. I think I have a mental problem.

—

I moved the computer desk around and now sunshine floods the screen. I’m an idiot.

My sister had some bloodwork come back wonky. If you could, utter a few positive words her way. She’s not allowed to ever deal with that shit again.

Dad is really sick. Or he was. Seems to hit him randomly. I mean, always after chemo, just never know if he’s going to be fantastic or fucked up after the treatment. It’s been a year since his surgery to remove the tumor. Not sure how the docs think he’s doing, but I’m just thankful he’s still here and seems to be doing ok. knockknockknock

Volleyball season starts soon, which means MD will be working up there again as security while playing free vball. It’s hard to feel sorry for him working that second job sometimes. Also means he’s talked to his boss about the vball tournament for the fundraiser. Already set for mid-July. I asked him if we can get it moved to August to give me more time to raise money/donations. We’ll see what happens. Might have to start on it before the Light The Night shit officially begins.

Dog sitting for mom and dad again this year while mom is at her conference. Dad went with her because he didn’t want to be alone in case something happened. That’s not nice to think about. Anyhoo, the dogs are getting along better than they usually do. They adore MD. He’s their second daddy. I’m just the bitch that takes them outside during the day. I really don’t want any dogs – at least not until we get a fence. And really not even then. Dogs are much harder than cats.

Time to stop screwing around and get started on the day. Gonna be another gorgeous one.

I need to equip the house with those gadgets that make your body think it’s still spring/summer. It hit mid-50’s a few times, and I’ve spent the morning redo’ing chore charts and cleaning lists and menu planners. I just don’t have it in me in the winter.

Also helps that I am finally feeling as stable as she claimed me to be. I know I still need just a small jump up on the risperdal – which would put me at the same exact dose I was on before I stopped taking it, go figure. I’m still a bit too explosive and drag ass. Much better than I was, but still just a teensy bit more would be perfect.

–

I think I’m just about back to normal as far as food. I snacked out on all my favorites to stretch my tummy, and last night I sat down and had a real meal. What’s more is that I actually cooked a decent meal. You don’t cook when you aren’t eating. Well, you don’t cook anything good. I made homemade this and homemade that and spent two hours baking and bbq’ing. I don’t care if it’s my eating habits or the meds or the fantastic weather – something is working in my favor.

–

Thanks for all the comments about the insurance. I feel better now. I know we spoil these kids rotten and that just makes it worse when something like this comes up. I talked to him though, and he seemed to understand. Like he has a choice. We’re going tonight to pick up applications around town. It’ll be tricky to work around track, but if I did it, so can he.

And thanks for the fucking heart attack thinking about adding MB2 to the policy in less than 2 years. I almost passed out.

I don’t watch much tv anymore, but I tune in every week just to hear LaKisha Jones sing. Not because she’s a part of some contest, but because I simply can’t get enough of her voice. Amazing. There are a couple others that sing well, but she takes the prize for me.

–

Had a huge migraine the other day, and guess who had to drive me to the clinic? Yeah, I was just a wee bit nervous. Not on the trip there, but on the way back. I’m pretty out of it after a shot, so basically it was just him driving home. I could have had near death experiences in that car. Thankfully, I’ll never know.

–

Added him to our insurance. OMG. They want an additional $300 by the end of the month for an ‘adjustment’, and going forward our bill jumps almost $90 a month. Am I an ogre for telling him that he’s going to have to pay it if he wants to drive? If it was lower, we would have worked it out somehow, but our bill doubled, and that’s not an easy thing for our budget to handle. I’m trying not to think of where to pull the $300 from. First I tell him that he needs to buy his own car, and then I tell him to pay his own insurance. I truly am a bitch. I wish I had enough cash to take care of it all, but I don’t. So I guess bitch it is.

MB1 is driving to school right this minute. Alone. License in hand. He’ll drive himself home after track practice.

This shit is gonna drive me to drink.

My tattoo still isn’t healed yet, so we set the appt up for next week. Talk about your slow healers. My friend had hers done that day and she saw him 3 days afterward and he pronounced her healed. It’s been 3 weeks and I’m still not quite finished. I would have saved myself a 20 minute car ride had I known what to look for. ‘Cause it looks fine, it’s just raised a tiny bit, and he said it needs to be smooth. Okeyfine. We did talk about color while he filled in my friend’s tattoo. He said if I had my heart set on peach, he’d work up a way to add a darker color on the sides, etc so you’d be able to see everything better. Probably the way I’m going after talking to him for awhile. Still bummed that I have to wait again. I just want it done with.

The only thing I’ve been able to eat today is a bomb pop, and even that tastes horrible. What kind of a sick minded person invents a pill that makes a bomb pop taste like ass?

Actually, I did eat this morning, but it was rejected immediately.

The shakes are back. I’m all out of ideas. I just keep running out to buy whatever my body says it will eat – and then hope I’m able to eat it.

—

My aunt that was ill last year? In the head? Well it turns out she fried her brain with drugs. Meth, to be exact. Now the docs give her the meth-induced Bipolar title, but it’d be more true to say she has meth-induced schizophrenia. She tried to kill herself this week. She went off her meds last month, and went downhill real quick. She misses my uncle, and simply wants out. This is the second time at the 5th floor hospital, and she won’t have her job when she gets out. Her kids will have to step up and take care of her to make sure she’s taking her meds, or else she might not screw it up next time.

That should be one helluva lesson to others about drugs. She was so normal. So down to earth. Now she sees and hears things and thinks that people are coming to get her. And think’s she’d be better off dead. It’s sad to see what it’s done to her. It’s scary for me to have these psychotic breaks thrown in my face over and over again. HUGE motivator to stay on my meds.

I was actually able to eat two chicken nuggets last night. I know, what a feast. I had to drown them in bbq sauce to hide the metallic taste of the chicken, but at least I was eating. Then I waited 20 minutes, and ate two more. Instantly, the shakes stopped. I felt incredibly sick to my stomach, but I was also incredibly thankful to be eating. Then 20 minutes after that I made myself eat a bowl of chips. Even though I had to force myself to eat all of this food, at least it’s progress. At lunch time I couldn’t force myself to eat chicken noodle soup. That’s when I really thought I was a goner. If you can’t eat the chicken noodle soup? Stick a fork in ya.

And yes, I checked with the doc who said I’m not on a high enough dose to worry about tapering down. Haven’t been on them long enough either. I did worry about that. Especially since I take two meds that tend to make that situation worse.

Still trying to think of what to eat today, but at least I’m hopeful now.