I hate getting a shot. I spend the next couple of days in a fog. I barely remember the holiday weekend. Important thing though, is that I’m no longer in pain. I lost my voice on Thanksgiving, and am just now getting it back, so maybe I was fighting a flu headache. Whatever it was, it was rough.

We got a huge tree the other day. Decorated it. Was a gorgeous sight to behold. Till the cats knocked that bitch over. They broke all the ornaments just like Binky did last year. Damn thing still won’t sit right, so MD will have to rig it up somehow tonight after work. Then I’ll have to go buy more ornaments. And more candy canes. Asshole cats.

It’s crazy warm outside, which makes me want to run more errands.

Damn sure don’t want to sit here.

Face ache kept growing yesterday until it took over my whole head. Nothing in my vast medicine arsenal would kill it, so we waited 5 hours at the ER. Finally got home at 3am, and I woke up at 8 – with a dull fucking headache. I’ve been trying to stay away from the pills, but I had to break down and take something a bit ago. I hope it works.

I’m not going to complain today about how much my face hurts or how the scans came back normal which means this pain is something called a migraine variant which means I’m screwed.

Instead I’m going to be thankful that she didn’t see a juicy tumor.

Actually, I have a lot to be thankful for. We all do. I hope you can easily see your blessings today.

Happy Thanksgiving.

We’re toying with the idea of tapering MB4 off of the meds. I have grown more and more unhappy with his pdoc over time, and now I am convinced she simply wants to throw meds at whatever ails him. Maybe that’s the answer, but what if it isn’t? Everything she ‘treats’ him for could be explained by something else.

I stopped giving him the ritalin already. No change. There was no change when I put him on it. She kept saying to give it time, but it’s been a few months now. I’m not going to keep giving shit to him that doesn’t make a damn bit of difference.

Does he have a mood disorder? Maybe. But he’s 7 years old, regardless. I hardly think he needs to be at damn near the same level of medication that I am. And how do we know what is mood disorder and what is spectrum? You can’t control the spectrum shit with a pill. And she doesn’t test him like she’s supposed to either. I have to remind her every 6 months that it’d be great to make sure the depakote isn’t killing his liver.

And the Zoloft. Gah. He’s been on it the longest. It’s supposed to control his obsessive behaviors. Not. He still writes in the notebooks. He still needs us to check his ass. He still does what she said he shouldn’t do now. And it’s been almost two years. What are these pills doing to the rest of him?

I’m thinking that maybe I’ll step him down and see what happens. See if anything changes. Then after his evaluation, if they see fit to put him on something, I’ll start taking him there for treatment. That’s where I go, and I trust them.

On another note, if I keep losing my hair like this, I’m not taking mine either.

I still haven’t heard back from the doctor. Guess I’ll call again today. My face hurts so bad I can hardly stand it. Not how I want to cook and clean for Thanksgiving. I swear it looks swollen. It feels like it’s ready to explode. My face, that is.

Will be starting my day here in a bit, after the pain meds kick in. Need to clean this house and fix more rolls and plan out cook times for everything else tomorrow. Then maybe I’ll make the veggie tray later on tonight to save time. We’ll see. That always takes us so much room in the fridge.

Also have a few errands to run. Which means I get to drive my car. Which means I can wash it today after that road trip to hell the other night to MB3’s friend’s house. Gah. Also means I get to put gas in it again, and me thinks this tank is a bit bigger than my last one. Frightened me a little with how much it cost to fill it up. But at least I can fill it up. Other van had some defect where you couldn’t fill it up all the way. Something about full tank, left turn signal, go kabloom kind of shit. I never tempted fate.

OMG my face hurts. If she doesn’t call today, I’m going to the clinic. I’m tired of waiting around.

More shit a-brewin’, but that’s for a different post.

Car loan got screwed up. First payment was supposed to be Jan 5th. It’s now Dec 25th. Merry Fucking Christmas. This will make for an interesting month. I’m good with money, but I ain’t that good. I’m just a wee bit nervous about presents. I know we’ll get through, but it’s going to be a pretty shitty year. My Christmas spirit is gone as a result. Well, lots of things caused that to happen. Dad being a main one. Everyone knows this could be his last Christmas, and no one is denying it anymore.

Up until now, I’ve been in a comfortable stall. No need to deal with anything, because no one knew what was going to happen. I know I’m starting to process again. Before I could talk about Dad and even his death without getting upset. It felt like I was talking about someone else. Now I keep getting these glimpses of what it’ll be like to lose Dad – without the guard. There is an enormous amount of pain involved, and these are only tiny peeks into the what-if’s. What happens when it’s for real?

Mom is finally looking ahead. Planning for her life after Dad. As much as I wanted her to open her eyes to the situation, it’s disturbing to hear her talk like this. Wasn’t quite what I wanted to happen. I just wanted her to start preparing herself for his loss. She can stop right there. No need to go past that point just yet. Guess I should make up my mind.

Synopsis:

A Hawaiian interactive adventure for mystery lovers hits retail this month as Her Interactive today announced that it has shipped Nancy Drew: The Creature of Kapu Cave for the personal computer. The 15th game of the best-selling, award-winning series, Nancy Drew: The Creature of Kapu Cave adds an intriguing twist by allowing players to assume the role of three different players: Nancy Drew — and for the first time ever in a Nancy Drew PC game — Joe and Frank Hardy.

“A story this puzzling requires the brain power of more than just one super sleuth, so we have added in the eagle-eye talents of Joe and Frank Hardy and allowed players to utilize them to help solve the mystery,” said Megan Gaiser, president and CEO of Her Interactive. “It’s exciting to switch between the characters to discover things from different points of view. The Creature of Kapu Cave illustrates the thought-provoking and entertaining content that has made our franchise a multi-million unit sales success story.”

Featuring more nuances than a hula dance, Nancy Drew: The Creature of Kapu Cave has the intrepid heroine jetting over to Hawaii as a research assistant for Dr. Quigley Kim. In transit, she runs into the Mapu family, who loan her an SUV and give her directions to Dr. Kim’s camp. The Hardy Boys, on a separate covert operation, are also visiting Hawaii and staying at the cultural immersion center run by the Mapu family.

Before leaving for Dr. Kim’s, Nancy is warned to avoid the secretive Hilihili research compound of Malachi Craven as some believe it’s linked to the legend of Kāne ‘Ōkāla — a man who narrowly escaped being sacrificed to the volcano but was left with a hideous, scarred appearance. When Nancy arrives at Camp Quigley, she discovers that the camp has been ravaged and Dr. Quigley is missing. As her adventure unfolds, Nancy discovers the Kapu or “forbidden” cave and discovers that there is more to the legend than meets the eye.

Nancy Drew: The Creature of Kapu Cave incorporates such exciting features as:

§ For the first time, the ability to play as three different characters: Nancy, Joe Hardy and Frank Hardy depending on the skills and clues needed to solve the mystery;

§ The use of the SUV GPS system to travel to a variety of exotic Hawaiian environments;

§ An assortment of puzzles to gather clues that allow players to progress through the game;

§ Snorkeling for shells and designing shell necklaces to earn ‘Big Island Bucks’;

§ A second chance feature that enables players to take risks without starting over;

§ Hints from Bess and George to help navigate the game;

§ Two difficulty settings to allow players of all skill levels to solve the mystery.

Rated “E” for Everyone, Nancy Drew: The Creature of Kapu Cave is now available for a suggested retail price of $19.99. More information about Her Interactive and the Company’s entire line of exciting Nancy Drew games can be found online at www.herinteractive.com.

“If you know anyone who has had a mastectomy, you may know that there is a lot of discomfort and pain afterwards. Insurance companies are trying to make mastectomies an outpatient procedure. Let’s give women the chance to recover properly in the hospital for 2 days after surgery.”

http://www.lifetimetv.com/breastcancer/petition/signpetition.php

Only takes a second.

WHen you’re kid is at my house, and it’s dinner time – call him home. He should already have a set time to be home at night anydamnway, and it should be before dinner. I don’t know what to do with him otherwise. I don’t always have enough food to feed another kid. I feed a small fucking army as it is. And when I scramble around and figure out dinner and feed your kid, come and get him afterward. Don’t tell him to walk home across town in the dark. It’s cold outside. He’s still a child. It’s your job to come get him. It’s not my muthafuckin job to take him home because you won’t get up off of your ass.

Bitch.

I just tried to watch one of the exercise videos I got from the library. I should pay more attention to what I pick up next time. This sumbitch was one step away from p0rn. Bitch was trying to score a date with the camera. Honestly felt so nasty watching it that I turned it off. And ate a brownie. And then I stepped on the scale and actually let out a small cry. I won’t be eating anymore brownies for awhile.

Walked around the corner the other day to see 4 of MB2’s Skater Dorks of Darkness friends piling into my house. They were headed to the next town over. On foot. About 10 miles. In the dark. In the freezing cold. Obviously their parents were idiots. Absent idiots, as it turned out. Nowhere to be found. Isn’t that amazing? 4 kids, 4 sets of parents. All the kids had cell phones, which should indicate that mom and dad wanted to get ahold of Jr whenever they wanted. Unfortunately, that Jr couldn’t get ahold of them. Convenient.

MB2 asked me in private if I could take them. He was supposed to be spending the night at one of the kid’s houses, and he didn’t want to be left out. He knew I wouldn’t let him walk. I ended up making MB1 and MB3 watch the kids so that I had room in the van, and then I took all the dorks to the main dork’s house. Aren’t I a nice guy?

–

Saturday night, MB3 wanted to spend the night at his country friend’s house. Really fucked up my car getting out there. REALLY. Really pissed me off, too. Then I get there to see this huge half pipe in the yard. Huge. Now, maybe that’s normal for some folks, but it freaked me out. It looks like death waiting to happen. I did not want to leave MB3 there, knowing what a skater wanna-be he is. But, he promised he wouldn’t break his neck, so I swallowed the urge to puke and let him stay.

–

I just walked downstairs to check on the boys to make sure they were on track, and I can’t even describe MB2. He’s wearing black girl jeans with a white design stitched on the thigh. A black NIN shirt. A white hoody he bought this weekend – a girl’s hoody with some fucked up design in silver on the back. And this stupid ass hat he bought last weekend. I don’t even know what to call it. Some poofy shit with the bill he wears to the side. I don’t even know what this look is supposed to be. I know I said I would be open-minded when it came to shit like this, but I guess I didn’t know what they were going to try to get away with. MB2 wants his lip pierced. I mean, what the fuck. Not as long as I’m alive, buddy. Dream the fuck on.

–

MD is talking about getting another 2nd job just to get us through the holidays. He wants to make sure we have enough for Christmas. I love him for it, but I don’t want him to do it. Do we need it? It’d help, yeah, but I would rather struggle through somehow. He’d be working on Saturdays. Making double what I could find anywhere. I do believe I’ll be finding a job next year. I’m tired of him being the only one to sacrifice. Although with him gone, we all suffer.

–

I got another skin done, but it’s not for everyone. That’s all I’m saying.

Yesterday I worked on skins. Today, I will work on skins. Only one finished so far is my Christmas skin, but that’s the one I really wanted anyway. Shit just doesn’t come as easy as it used to.

MD had to work very late last night and again today. He should be home shortly though. Ahh, the joys of salary.

I’m still feeling ok, but I wish I was a bit more up. I guess I just can’t believe that this is normal. I’m definitely missing something. I know I am. I’m still pretty anti-doctor right now though, so it’ll be awhile before I reschedule my appt.

Back to the skins……..

That was quick. And painless. I was whiney for nothing, I handled it fine. Won’t find out anything until Monday. Pleasant.

They called last night and told me that the CT scan is this morning at 8:30. My stomach is in knots rights now. Rationally, I know I’m being silly, but considering our run of luck the past few years, I’m really not wanting to go. I’ve had daily headaches for almost 20 years. Sometimes I wonder how stupid can I be for not thinking that something like a fat juicy tumor is causing them? But isn’t that a long time? Wouldn’t I have been squeezed out of existence a long time ago?

And let’s not discuss the whole scan itself. I’ll be a big girl, but I’ll be freaking the fuck out on the inside. I’m not scared of the machine, I’m scared of the whole hold still while we stick you in this hole thing. Me no like that.

SHIT. I have to finish getting ready now.

Spent all day at the hospital clinic yesterday. MB1 was playing football the night before and landed on his hand wrong. Then someone fell on him, and he heard a loud pop. Yep, broke two bones in his palm. Lovely. It’s our first broken bone in the kiddos. Isn’t that special? MB3 will be next. His ass hangs out with all those skater kids.

Kids are off from school tomorrow. And only go a couple days next week. I know they’ll be yammering to go here and there, but suddenly, I don’t mind. I even took the boys to youth last night. Amazing what a decent car will do for your mind set.

You can stop rejoicing for the cramps now. You can take them away now. Please.

My cards are ready to go, but I have only a few people to send them to. The message board I belong to isn’t that active anymore, and there’s only a handful of us wanting to exchange cards.

Sooooooooo – ya wanna? I LOVE sending and receiving them.

If you want to exchange cards, send me an email.

Friend asked me awhile back to name my favorite moment. A moment that I would like to be played over and over again in death, if that’s what death meant.

She asked me about this in April. I’ve been trying to decide ever since. That should show you how anal I am. I’ve finally come to the conclusion that I can’t pick just one. Now I feel as though I must comb through my life seeking out all of the favorite moments, so that if I ever do have to make the choice, I’ll have all the favorites lined up so I can pick one.

Could you pick just one from your life?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Here are my favorites…….

MD asking me to marry him when I thought he wasn’t. I had often joked about how I would be the worst housewife ever, because I couldn’t cook to save my life, and I hated cleaning (!! hah !!). With Luther in the background singing Here and Now, MD asked me one night if I wanted to not cook and not clean with him for the rest of my life. We were married the next week.

MD’s letter in bivouac. He gave it to me the morning I left. I couldn’t read it for another 6 hours, and it nearly killed me. I finally had a moment alone, and when I got down to the bottom, he had written I love you. Those words hadn’t been spoken before. I about passed out. I’ll never be able to explain the hold this man has on me, but it all started the first few weeks of our relationship.

First day he kissed me. It was the same day he got out of the hospital. First day we started ‘dating’, if you can call it that.

Finding him in the BDU Club after telling my fiance goodbye. Knowing I was free.

The four days we spent without the kids at the hotel on the beach. Sans clothes 95% of the time.

Sitting in my bedroom at night when I was a kid, looking across the field to to the city lights in the distance. If I wished hard enough, the field was an ocean. The faint train horns that lulled me to sleep each night were ships. And breeze blowing in was so damn fresh that I could almost believe every bit of it.

Day of the kids’ births, and also the day of the two pink lines – unexpected or not.

Summer before my freshman year.

Camping at the quarry under the stars every weekend the summer before I left for basic.

Every drop of AIT

Driving off the lot with a new van that I had purchased by myself – alone – when I had no man in my life at all and three little kids. I teared up so bad I had to pull over. Grateful that shitass job had a kickass salary that made it possible. I’ll really miss that van.

Day we bought this house.

~~~~~~~~~~~

I’ll have to think about this some more [cause obviously 7 months isn't long enough], and see if I can think of any more. I’d hate to forget one.

Universal Motown Records will release Drake Bell’s highly-anticipated record, It’s Only Time, on December 5th.

For a 20-year-old, Drake Bell is an old soul when it comes to the music he listens to and plays on his Universal Motown Records debut It’s Only Time. Songs like the first single, “I Know,” which sounds like it could have come off Rubber Soul, and the empowering, Elton John-like rocker “Do What You Want” boasts a bittersweet pop sound, with catchy harmonies and plenty of exuberant vocal hooks, which is no wonder considering the Newport Beach, CA, native, whose mother is two-time world champion pool player Robin Dodson, was raised on the classic rock of the ’60s. Learning how to play guitar from The Who’s Roger Daltrey, with whom he worked in the 1998 movie Changing Destiny, Drake proved a natural student.

A child actor who began appearing in commercial and feature films when he was 5, Bell says: “When I was a kid, I wanted to be Elvis Presley so I could star in movies and TV while also playing music.” Bell went on to roles in the feature films High Fidelity and Yours, Mine and Ours as well as the TV series Seinfeld, The Drew Carey Show, The Pretender and Home Improvement while appearing in the cast of Nickelodeon’s sketch comedy series The Amanda Show, which led to his starring role on the network’s popular The Josh and Drake Show.

~~~~~~~

I actually enjoy his music.

I have cramps!! I have cramps!! I have cramps!!

It’s about fucking time.

Doc is sending me in for a CT scan. Seems it’s not normal to have a sinus infection that lingers around this long. She’s starting to think that it’s just some atypical headaches. A face headache. Lovely. That’s just what I need to add to my headache list. She wants the scan to make sure there isn’t an infection though, and then she chewed my ass for not making my neurology appt. I, in turn, chewed on MD’s ass for pulling all of that relationship drama bullshit that day, making me miss my appt.

I find myself terrified at the thought of the scan. I’m afraid they’re going to tell me that I have a headache every day because of the large fucking tumor in my head. I mean really, doesn’t make sense for me to get any other kind of cancer, does it? Well, never mind. Brain cancer for headaches, yeah, but with my luck, I’ll get lung cancer now that I’ve quit smoking. Or breast cancer with my small titties. Regardless, I’m nervous as hell. I rescheduled the neurology appt today as well – January 29th. Can you believe that shit? Well, sounds far off, but I guess it isn’t too bad. My mammogram [YES I CANCELLED THAT TOO] is now set for February something.

–

My sister sent me a link to a journal from a gal who died from breast cancer. Technically, she died from liver cancer in the end, and she documented every symptom she had. I read the whole thing tonight, and it just reaffirms my view that dad really needs to think before agreeing to this chemo. Chemo isn’t always the right choice. Chemo isn’t anyone’s friend. Chemo doesn’t give a shit that it’s killing you while it kills the cancer – or tries to kill the cancer.

letssaythanks.com

Nice way to brighten a soldier’s day.

Thanks Nancy.

Ok, let me try to type this again…

I’m still feeling ok. Not great, not bad. Just ok. But I guess most people don’t wake up singing with the birds either, so I should stop bitching. Shit could be worse.

I want to get out of the house more though, and I’m running out of shit to do. Yesterday I even went to the library and checked out a few exercise videos. Now there’s a whole bunch of shit wrong with that sentence – like me going there willingly, and actually having the balls to check something out, and ME grabbing exercise videos – that’s a laugh. I don’t have that gym sickness thing going on – yanno, where you’re sick in the head because you like going to the gym? Hi MS. The last video I tried about killed me – and that was just the warmup. I never did watch the actual guts of the tape.

Dad is pretty depressed. He thinks the doctors are lying to him. He is joking a lot more about death and dying, but mom says he’s pretty moody and sad. I hope the doctors are telling him the truth. I hope the news isn’t as bad as what dad thinks it is. I’m not sure if he wants to do chemo or not. I can’t read him on that one. To be sure, I made a point to tell mom to back off and let him make that call without her influence. She said she would. I hope so. I don’t know if I want him to have it or not. I would need to get the doc’s take on how well he thinks it’d work.

Enough depressing shit. I have calls to make – yeah, me using the phone. Go figure.

I just lost a post and I’m extremely pissed off. That’s never happened to me before. Dammit. Now what the hell was in it? Gah.

Coming to theaters January 5th, 2007…

Inspired by the most beloved of fables, HAPPILY N’EVER AFTER is an animated satirical retelling of the classic story of Cinderella and stars Sarah Michelle Gellar, Sigourney Weaver, Freddie Prinze Jr., George Carlin, Wallace Shawn, and Andy Dick.

On January 30, 2007, Blue Note Records will release Norah Jones’ third studio album, ‘Not Too Late.’ The album features thirteen new songs, all written or co-written by Jones. ‘Not Too Late’ was produced by Lee Alexander, Jones’ songwriting partner and bassist.

‘Not Too Late’ features many of Jones’ longtime collaborators including guitarists Adam Levy, Jesse Harris, Kevin Breit and Robbie McIntosh, drummer Andy Borger, and singer Daru Oda. Other album guests include singer M. Ward, organist Larry Goldings, and Kronos Quartet cellist Jeffrey Zeigler.

‘Not Too Late’ was recorded in 2006 at various locations in Manhattan and Brooklyn, including Jones and Alexander’s home studio.

Busy weekend. Van told me that she was about to slip into a coma, so we went and traded her out. We get a discount at the Chevy place, and they had a nice program van sitting up there just waiting for us to take it home. So we did. I miss my van, but I love the new one.

Scored a new desk off of freecycle. Looks nice now that it’s altogether. Got rid of that ugly rubbermaid thing anyway. That’s all that really matters. The kids have it now. Ha.

I feel like I spent half my life in that toy room yesterday. My reward? They haven’t stopped playing in it all day. Totally worth it.

Talked to mom and dad a bit this weekend when I ran some stuff by. Dad is a little down lately. Well within his right, but I wish I knew what to do to help ease some of it. I guess keep talking to mom and make sure she isn’t making a mess of things with the way she operates sometimes.

Just in time for the holidays, DOODLEBOPS TOYS from Mattel are available exclusively online at WWW.DOODLEBOPS.COM!

On behalf of Cookie Jar Entertainment, in promotion of the launch of the toy line, I am pleased to announce that THE DOODLEBOPS are offering fans the “DOODLEBOPS EVERY DAY GIVEAWAY” Sweepstakes. For a chance to win a daily prize pack and a grand prize of a trip to California to see THE DOODLEBOPS LIVE!, Doodlebops fans are invited to log on to www.doodlebops.com every day beginning today November 1, 2006 and ending December 15, 2006 to register to win the Doodlebops Prize of the Day.

MB3 just came up to me bitching because someone put chocolate in his pants pocket and his little pocket gizmo got covered with sweet goodness when it melted.

Someone put chocolate in his pants.

I asked him who the hell goes around sticking chocolate in people’s pants, but he had no answer. I asked him who the hell LETS people put chocolate in their pants, but he had no answer. He just got pissy and asked how his gizmo was going to get cleaned. I told him to have the chocolate pant’s pocket stuffer clean it. He then tried to burn a hole into my brain with his eyes.

Still feeling pretty good. Feel decent enough that I don’t want to stick around the house. I want to get out and get shit done, but I’m running out of things to do. I even went to the library to grab a frew exercise videos. Now there’s a whole bunch of crazy shit in that sentence. Like me in a public place of my own free will. Without needing to be there. And I actually got something instead of getting flustered and leaving. And me? Exercise videos? HAHAHA. But I did. Not saying I’m going to use them, but I got ‘em. We’ll see. Last time the warm-up part of the video gave me a small heart attack. Not all of us have a gym sickness. That’s when you’re sick in the head and like going to the gym. Hi MS.

My dad is pretty depressed. He thinks the doctors are lying to him on how bad he really is. He doesn’t think he has a whole lot of time left. He keeps making jokes and remarks around us, but mom said he’s moody and sad. I wish the doctors would give him more information. I hope they’re being honest with him. I hate this. The peaceful little world we’ve been living in for the past few months is about to explode.

Ang bought a stick. Stick said no baby. Ang danced with stick.

MD went in late this morning so he could be here after the kids went to school. So he could test out my function – or dysfunction – level since starting back up on the pills. Isn’t he sweet? I seem to be functioning fine. Fucking lexapro. Never again. I apologize for bad mouthing you, lithium.

–

Not sure if I can bring myself to go buy a test. I’m thinking I’ll slip into convulsions the minute I touch it. 12 days – that’s not really so long, eh? Fuck. Let’s all pray for cramps, shall we?

–

Still feeling a lot better. Not all high on life, but I can handle this. People shouldn’t probably be wickedly excited over nothing anyhow. Maybe this is the middle ground until something pushes me up or down – like regular people. Makes sense. Sure beats laying around watching Casper all day, regardless.

–

I cut my hair last night. Not much. Just enough to lighten the load and help it bounce a little more. It gets so damn heavy and then the curls just look stooopid. At least this way maybe it’ll stay wavey after it dries. I wish I had the balls to go shorter, but I always look like ass when I do. Then it gets TOO curly and I get an afro. Not very attractive.

–

More errands to run today, and I’m glad. I need to keep busy. Maybe I’ll buy a test. Argh.

Ummm, I should have started the day I stopped taking the pills. I didn’t. I still haven’t. I started taking the pills again yesterday. I’ve been throwing up since yesterday afternoon. My brain tells me that the pills/nopills/pills has screwed me up, my inner terrified drama queen tells me to find the doc that tied my tubes and hold a knife to his throat as I wait for the piss to travel through the stick.

–

I didn’t realize I was late until after I stuck this hair dye on my head 10 minutes ago. At least I’ll have kick ass hair as I stress. Although I’m thinking the dye wouldn’t be so good for a growing kiddo.

–

How often do tubals fail anyway?

–

Grocery store sent us a coupon for a free turkey for turkey day and a free ham for Christmas. Nice fellows.

–

I need to get out of the house today and perk myself up. Enough of this moping around. I do feel a tad better though. Not sure if the pills can work this fast, but I’m better than I was Sunday.

Dad’s cancer hasn’t shrunk at all this time around. Nothing has changed. So, no surgery right now. The doc is going to put together another chemo combo for him to try. Doc says they can at least try to keep it from growing.

The spot on his lungs was indeed scar tissue, but they did locate active cancer in the lymph nodes surrounding his liver – which was probably to be expected anyway.

I know this isn’t good news, but I’m not capable of wrapping my head around it just yet.

I gave it 11 days. Not sure if that’s enough time to guage how well I function off the meds, but I just can’t do this anymore. All I want to do is lay down. I had a few good days. But can you even call them good days? I spent one of them working on blogs – fine and dandy. But the other ones I spent hopping around mentally wondering why no one wanted to DO SOMETHING. I didn’t know what, I just needed to get out and DO. It was killing me to just sit. It was a frustration that actually pained me. And I started to feel very angry whenever MD had to leave. No matter what for. Milk. Volleyball. Pick up kids. Didn’t matter. And I got angry at him for cleaning yesterday because he wasn’t giving me his full attention. I’ve been bitching at him for a year to hang some blinds I bought when we moved in, and when he got out his drill yesterday, you’d have thought I was having a brain aneurysm.

So, I munched down some pills just a bit ago. I hope I feel back to normal soon. Whatever that is.

Oh yeah, to those that email with concern……

I’m still feeling pretty good. Little … highstrung I guess. Little hyper. Little restless. But again, nothing I can’t handle right now. I think I’ve been depressed for so long that it’ll take a good bit of ma-ni-a to jump start my system. I welcome it anyway. Sort of. A little. I just want to feel again.

Now I have to leave. Dammit. Fuck it all to hell.

Everyone is asleep but me. I have to get up and head to mom’s to help her with taxes. I hate taxes. I wish I was rich and could just write her a fucking check to pay for everyone’s taxes. Then we wouldn’t go through this every year. I hate this time of year. I hate doing this. Guess I’m going to have to stop at the store and buy 40 different kinds of snacks to get me through. Tis the season to get cushy and hiberate, after all.

–

In other news, I’ve been cured of my sexual dysfunction. And how.
Fuck off and die Lexapro.

Everyone’s favorite small doll, POLLY, and her friends are coming to life for the first time in their highly anticipated, all-new, full length animated feature film – POLLYWORLD, which makes its world debut only on DVD November 14 ($19.98 SRP). POLLYWORLD is where the coolest amusement park meets the ultimate shopping promenade filled with everything girls from age 4-10 love, including thrilling rides, shopping galore, music to the max and best friends!

Polly Pocket and her friends Lila, Shani , Lea and Crissy can’t wait to begin the most spectabulous adventure ever! Along with their classmates, they are invited to spend the weekend at the grand opening of PollyWorld: the most “off-the-hook” amusement park and shopping experience EVER! Over the weekend the class will be competing in a charity version of their favorite mega race reality show “Roll Like That!” Teams will participate in numerous challenges that test their agility, teamwork, problem-solving skills and endurance. Polly and the Pockets will even get to rock out on live television in the final challenge. Thrilling rides, exotic attractions, cool contests, delicious treats, amazing fireworks, music and shopping await them. But that’s not all … Polly’s dad has the biggest surprise … he is getting married and has brought his new fiancé, Lorelai for the weekend to meet his daughter. Polly’s stepmom-to-be seems cool enough, until the girls discover her evil plot.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I will have a few dvds and dolls to give away from this one the middle of November. Quite a few. How about…. we’ll go with the first 7 people to give me ideas on how to give this stuff away. Specific game ideas. Charity ideas. That sort of thing. That’ll help me push some of these other things I’ve been sitting on.

Feeling much better today. Maybe the meds are finally leaving my system, or maybe I have a mood disorder and every day’ll be different. Time will tell. I’m giving it one more week before I start munching on the pills again. No more lexapro though. Not ever. Simply cannot handle the side effects.

On Tuesday, November 7th, 2006, Classic Media will release the full series – all 312 shorts – of Harveytoons’ memorable cartoons in a 4-double sided-disc DVD collection. The cartoons, available on DVD for the first time ever, were originally created in the 1940s and ‘50s, and have been digitally restored. Casper The Friendly Ghost, is Harveytoons’ most famous and original character, and the second most recognizable character of all time. Beginning as a theatrical animated short, the famous Casper cartoon soon moved into the realm of comics and later into a regular TV series. This roster of comics, movies and TV series created a medium to introduce fellow Harveytoonsters, such as Wendy, the good little witch, and Hot Stuff, the little devil. The Harveytoons collection will also feature other classic characters, including, Richie Rich, the kid with a big heart AND big bank account; Herman and Katnip, the wacky cap and mouse duo; and the lesser known, but cult favorite, The Modern Madcaps. The set comes in collector’s packaging with an original Casper Comic printed inside.

~~~~~~~~~

These cartoons were just as cute as I remembered. My kids love them as well. It’s all we’ve been watching this week. Well worth the purchase.

Halloween happened. Who gives a shit. I don’t even feel like eating the candy. Don’t feel like eating at all. I’d rather sleep.

–

I took a shower today. Yay me. At least now I don’t offend.

–

I caught up the laundry even though it took everything I had. I just can’t get with it.

–

Tonight is MD’s last night at the other job. Thank gawd. I really need him home these days.

–

One of his volleyball friends accidentally ran over his 3yo son and killed him. Hasn’t been a good week at all. He might ditch work tonight and go to the funeral instead. I just can’t imagine. I keep having nightmares about it.