Feeling low and shitty for some reason. Probably has something to do with the stress of Christmas approaching. Every time I get ready to start shopping for the kiddos, something else knocks me and my budget on my ass. It’s the way of life, but it still sucks gigantic ass. We both took on extra jobs this week to make sure we had enough, but more shit keeps popping up to take it right out of our hands. Isn’t that nice.

I know I know. Quit yer bitchin, re-read my thankful post, and make do. And I will. Just want to wallow and pout for a bit first.

A Mystery Explained ….
(more…)

Every muscle in my body is screaming right now for me to go lay down. My should still hurts like a bitch. My back and feet are throbbing. My pelvis seems to have forgotten that I have already birthed quite a few kiddos, and is proceeding to rip me apart like a fucking wishbone.

I decided to try homemade cranberries this year, despite the majority vote of that … slick nasty shit in the can. I mashed and mashed and strained and strained until it was a creamy, smooth, delicious treat. Then I served it cold.

I should have just frisbee’d the fucking bowl out the back door. No one touched it. For a moment, I was defeated, thinking that I should have gone with that canned vomit concoction. Turns out though, no one eats that shit anyway – in any form. Would have been nice to know this morning. Fuckwads.

They don’t eat stuffing either. That would have saved about 30 minutes of gag time. And only one person uses gravy. I won’t go into how long it took to get that goopy garbage creamy and lump free – it wouldn’t be good for my blood pressure.

However… everything else brought in rave reviews and made the whole day worth it. Wasn’t much left, which made me feel better.

Now I think maybe a bath is in order to make this aching body feel better.

Bellies are full. Guests are gone. House is clean.

Was a good day.

Cranberry sauce – warm, cold, or disgusting?

Disgusting is my vote, but I need to know if I can fix it now and pop it in the fridge.
If people like it warmed up instead, I’ll make it tomorrow.

I’m thankful for so many things….

My husband, my children, and my parents are healthy and still here with me. This newest son of mine that will complete my family. My friends. The food in the fridge and the roof over my head.

Those are the standard things that I am so very grateful to have. But it’s so much more than that. So many levels and layers that I used to be blind to. I try not to be nowadays.

I can hear my dryer tumbling the clothes around right now, and I think back to the days when I had to lug that shit to the laundry mat. Boys left the tv on down here when they went up to pick up their room, and I realize that they weren’t around when cable just wasn’t in the budget. Five years ago MD brought home a rebuilt computer that was completely empty, and I used to turn it on, watch the system messages, and wonder what it was going to be like to have a computer of our very own. I remember the day I bought my van. I sat in the parking lot running my hands over the wheel in amazement that I was taking it home. Now she’s almost paid for. The very first time we were able to go and buy new furniture is a memory I won’t soon forget. Or each time I was able to pay off a bill in it’s entirety. Or repay money to an angel who had helped us during a pinch. I can also vividly remember the day I walked out on my marriage, and the day MD let me back in. The day I lost the baby, and the day I gave birth to her five healthy siblings.

I look around now and marvel over how very fucking blessed we are. We live very simple lives these days. We focus on what we have, rather than mope about what we don’t. We’ve been a helluva richer, but we’ve also been a helluva poorer – both financially and mentally. And never in our 13 years together as a family have things ever been better. Never.

Holy shit. I don’t know what I did, but my neck and shoulder are killing me. Not sure if I slept wrong or pulled something or was beat the hell up in my sleep – but oh my gawd am I in pain.

Starts on my left shoulder and travels up almost behind my left ear. Hurts to turn my head. Hurts to move my arm. Thought I was going to puke when MG hugged me this morning. Hurts that damn bad.

What the fuck am I going to do? Is this going to ebb off eventually? It hasn’t yet. I have lots to do lots to do lots to do, and I don’t have time for this shit. I’ve tried muscle cream, but that didn’t touch it. Do I try a hot bath? Or cold compress? Maybe try to rub it out? (gawd)

I knew things were zipping by a little too good to be true. Dammit all to hell.

Having 30 extra guests on turkey day, so it’s time to start getting ready. I’ve been a cleaning fool, and now it’s time to finish up the baking. Then of course, I’ll have to clean again – and cook some more, but oh well. Gotta feel useful, ya know.

There are 3 computers sitting under my desk right now. Gotta get on those as well. Too bad they are the same old people/puters that I keep fixing. That means I’m doing it because I’m nice and they’re constantly messing with shit they aren’t supposed to desperate to have their systems back. Same old problems, and I don’t feel like messing with it. But I must.

Errands today and tomorrow as well, and then my family is all here with me for a long 4 day weekend – even MD. It’ll either be a wonderful time, or none of us will survive.

Hope everyone has a fabulous holiday.

Point was raised that it costs more to park a convict on death row and eventually execute him than it does to sentence him/her to life in prison.

This is true – as the law stands now. But there isn’t one person on this planet that is happy with the current death penalty system. People either want it gone, or revamped. I’m in the revamped camp.

I know I spout off about taking ‘em out back and shooting them, but I really do have a brain in my head that knows this will never work. That’s just my mouth talking out of anger because this is such a personal issue with my family. My brain sees things a bit differently.

I don’t support the death penalty for every capital murder case. It IS too fucking costly to make absolute certain that the person is indeed guilty of the crime. But I do support it in cases where the guilt/innocence isn’t the question – but rather how to punish them (serial killers, mass murderers, self-confessed sickos, etc).

If they would revamp the laws and change the requirements on who can even be tried for death, this would reduce the years spent on death row, and limit or eliminate the number of appeals. There wouldn’t be a need for that legal shit because the possibility of making a mistake wouldn’t exist. And then it would be cheaper to get rid of their asses, because they aren’t sitting on death row for 15 years draining millions of dollars trying to prove their innocence.

The monster who murdered my cousin bragged about how many others there were over the years. We’re not talking one or two others – we’re talking 20-30 others – one report suggested that it might even be closer to 40 or 50. He openly admitted that if he was ever released, those numbers would grow. No, I don’t agree that twisted pukes like that should spend the rest of their lives in prison. I just don’t.

I shudder to think of what would happen if we got rid of the death penalty altogether. What then? Where’s the fear of accountability to prevent someone from taking a life? Life in prison isn’t enough of a deterrent. Some of those fuckers live better than normal folks do. And there’s always the chance for parole. Again – how is that going to scare the piss out of someone enough to keep them from killing?

It’s not.

Jackson’s new web site

I don’t know if he’s guilty of actually molesting kids or not – I doubt that we’ll ever really know the truth anyway. But I do know that this fruit loop would never get within 50 feet of my kids.

He may or may not be a pervert – but something just ain’t right regardless.

From around the Net in regards to the death penalty verdict handed down in the sniper case …..

One of Muhammad’s lawyers, Peter Greenspun, said he was “bitterly disappointed” with the verdict.
“The law in Virginia allows death in these circumstances. We don’t see any good that can come of that. The sanction of another death by the government is not likely to benefit anyone,” he said.

Huh? Perhaps his lawyer didn’t read the fucking papers back then … At the height of the killings, the area was so terrified that sports teams practiced indoors and people ducked down while fueling their cars. Some Virginia school systems closed for several days after police found a note at one shooting scene: “Your children are not safe anywhere, at any time.”

Now am I to believe that anyone who would threaten CHILDREN deserves anything less than death? Not hardly pinhead. Would it benefit anyone? Yeah, the taxpayers who would have to feed and house this sicko’s ass until he dies, and the families who CANNOT begin to heal until he’s dead.

Marion Lewis, 51, the father of sniper victim Lori Ann Lewis-Rivera, 25, said his relief at the jury’s verdict was tempered. “Now I have to wait 10 or 15 years for the execution to happen,” he said.

Exactly why they should take him out back immediately and let the victims’ families have at ‘em. Death should dealt to the convicted in the same manner as it was to the victims – in this case, each family gets a rifle. Not humane you say? Reduces us to barbarMB5s?

In case you haven’t noticed, the murderers of the world don’t give a flying rat’s ass about the consequences as it stands right now.

This might change their mind.

I realized this weekend that sometime in the past few months, we’ve slowly gone up to needing close to 4lbs of meat for dinner. That’s just meat. I also fix two veggies, potatos/noodles/whatever, and a bread of some sort. My boys are still very young. The two oldest already eat more than I do – and I can pack it away.

I have no idea of what the future holds, but my eyes are really fucking wide right now thinking about it.

Was headed home last night after helping mom with a few puter woes. I turned onto the highway ramp, and in the span of 5 seconds …

I hear this horrible noise that is so close to my ear it stops my heart, my window suddenly disappears, and I’m so startled that I almost slam into a truck. I pull over on the highway and settle my nerves. Then I start looking for something to cover the window-hole with so I can head home. Nothing. Not a damn thing. It was 20 degrees and I still had 20 minutes to drive. I cranked that heat, pulled my hood up, and headed home. What not a pleasant ride. Not at all. By the time I got home, I was completely frozen. I can feel the sickies moving in to attack me as a result.

MD took my van to work with him today to fix the window. I bet he’s still shivering from the ride. Let’s hope that it didn’t break. Please don’t be broken Mr Window. I will have to cancel my doctor’s appt today, but that’s ok. Too fucking cold to go outside anyway.

Make your predictions here so I can easily look back to see the winner.

When will Moody Mama have calm, easy-going, never cries Baby MB5?

My guess? The 20th of December.

My reasons? MB4 came the 20th of March, and MG the 20th of August. I need MB5 to come on the 20th so he doesn’t screw up my powerball family numbers.

4 – me, 17 – MD, 19 – MB1, 24 – MB2, 8 – MB3, PB#20 – MB4/MG/MB5

Makes perfect sense to me.

That assmunch has the balls to ask me for help with her site when she still owes me for the first set of work. Fuck her. I told her to submit a ticket to the software company because it’s not my problem anymore. If ya don’t pay me to be your puter gal, I ain’t doing it.

My aunt has been claiming that she’s a psychic for the past few years, and has predicted that I will go into labor tonight. Thanks, ya cooky bitch.

I made delicious sugar cookies tonight, but the icing color fucked up. What was supposed to be turkey day orange is now horrid horrid brown. They now look like someone took a shit all over them. Yum Yum Gimme Some.

It’s supposed to snow tonight. Wish I had my fireplace.

Two days ago, a friend I met on a playgroup message board called to see how I was doing. Last week, she sent me two huge boxes jammed packed full of every infant necessity you could imagine. Another friend I met on that same message board also sent me two huge boxes of baby clothes this week. Thanks to these two women, I now only have a few piddly items left on the list to buy for MB5. Being this close to Christmas time, you can only imagine how much this was appreciated.

Tonight, a friend I met through these blog-contraptions called to see how I was doing. This is the second time she’s called to check up on me, and it amazed me both times at how caring and thoughtful she is.

Today, another friend from the message board lost her 4 year old son to a severe heart defect. I’ve never met her or her son, but they’ve both touched my life in a way they’ll probably never realize. I hope she at least knows that her little boy had a very special existence while he was with us.

I’ve never met any of these women face to face. I will try my damnedest to make that happen someday. But I also know that even if it never does, it won’t change a damn thing about how I feel towards them. They are as real to me as my family, and I am very grateful to have them in my life.

Still not feeling very word-y lately. Must be in a blog rut. I could just sit here and go on and on about stupid shit, or I could keep quiet and spare you all from my nonsense.

All I want to do is bake cinnamon rolls and indulge in my sickass pregnancy-induced Pine-Sol craving by scrubbing my floors for the 100th time this week just so I can smell it.

Oh yeah, I need to stop with this exciting bullshit.

Alright – I’m used to getting my browser hijacked. Happens alot since MD likes to play games and the kids hit all those shit sites that promise them the moon and stars if they accept – and they always accept. I’m used to all that.

What I’m not used to is hitting the home page button, and having my CD-ROM open up on its own and the screen flash for a second while some asswhore anti-spy ad crappola loads and I about piss myself before I realize what the hell happened because it’s late and I’m tired and I don’t much care for things that go bump in the night especially when the unexpected noise is accompanied by a flying object that damn near hits me in the head.

I don’t like that shit at all. Fuckers.

I’m not doing a damn thing today, and gawd help anyone or anything that tries to fuck that up.

I didn’t go outside and play. I went grocery shopping instead. I should have gone outside to play. Decided that I would do my errands today, and spend tomorrow in my jammies. Sounds divine, eh?

The grocery store tires my ass out. I do it during the week alone so that we don’t have to fuck up family time on the weekends by doing it. Think our weekends are about to be fucked up.

Had a shitload of groceries since I decided to also grab the turkey day supplies as well. I mean a shitload. Debit card was rejected when I went to pay. I got pissed. Lady tried it 3 more times. Nope Nope Nope. Even more pissed. Then the teller glances at my card and tells me that cards from my bank have been down all morning. Thanks for the heads up bitch. I write a check instead. Finally on my way.

Swing by to pay the water bill. Check drops out of my hand and the wind carries it onward to bigger and better things. I run. I don’t run very well right now. I am finally able to stomp on the bitch, head inside, and my eyes double dog dare the poor girl to say anything about the footprint across the front.

Get home and the boys help carry groceries inside. I supervise and grab some light bags. I come inside to see MG munching on a pack of hot dogs. Pack is now open and dripping. I cuss and toss them out. Then bust my ass to put the rest away – but not before a loaf of bread, a package of stick butter, a bag of chips, and bag of cereal have all fallen victim to her chompers. Gawd help the wee one.

Groceries put away and Nancy calls. She worries about me and I love her for it. I assure her that I am fine, and promise to hop on the IM in a bit. Start dinner, holler at some fighting boys, and wander the house in search of my missing Dr Pepper. Find it stashed in a window sill, rescue it, and proceed to have my ass chewed by a 2 year old that can already point her finger and jigjag that head of hers while she yells at you better than I can at 32.

I am now resting. I am tired. I should have played outside.

Taxes are done for another year. Thank gawd. Well, for the most part. I will help mom again when the payments start rolling in, but that’s not too bad. I’ve also volunteered to take care of collections for her this year. There are people on the books that haven’t paid their real estate or personal property taxes in 8 years. We have to go back and figure up the penalty and interest for those bastards. Non-paying pricks. Some gal only owes $17 for the past 4 years of personal property taxes – that’s it, and she still won’t send it in. I’ve got a surprise for her ass this year.

MD has been handling the laundry for me the past 4-5 days, and has taken care of picking up the house and cooking dinner – and I appreciate the hell out of it. Taxes zap my mind, and I’m a grouchy little cuss right now anyway. Now that I have some free time though, I think I might give this house a good scrubbing. It’s absolutely gorgeous outside, so I think I’ll open the windows, clean for awhile, then head out to play in the leaves.

I love chili. I could eat chili every day. This creates a problem since I can’t make it worth a shit. There are two types of chili that I adore. If anyone knows how to make either of these, I’d be your pal forever if you sent the recipe my way.

Steak N Shake chili. That rich, creamy, full flavored kind that makes you all giddy inside. I’ve tried those copycat recipes – and they just didn’t cut it.

Maid Rite chili. The instant heartburn kind floating in grease that turns your crackers orange. Yum Yum gimme some.

Anyone? Hell, I’ll take any recipe at this point. I just suck at making it.

I wish mom would find someone else to do the taxes every year. It’s a boring and tedious and bullshit way to spend 4 or 5 days. My brain is a pile of mushy shit every evening after working on them all day. We snagged another helper this morning, so hopefully we’ll be done tomorrow. I sure as hell hope so.

He’s fine, for the most part. She went through all the measurements and said she saw nothing to worry about – except maybe his size.

He’s a little on the small side, and would definitely not fare as well as MB2, MB3, & MB4 did if he decided to come out early and play. And since she agreed with the doc that he’s already dropped and ready to go (at least for now), she’s hoping he’s not gearing up for an early arrival.

So, she said the doc will probably lecture me on taking it easy the next few weeks when I go to see him on Monday. Already feels so damn ‘heavy’ down there, that it’s akward and a touch painful to walk. I hope he stays put – he is WAY too little right now.

I wish I could say that the sonogram eased all the fears I have, but it didn’t. I guess I will just try to ignore whatever it is that’s causing me to panic about it.

Thanks so much for all the well wishes.

I have a lot of work to do with these taxes, so I probably won’t be around much the next few days. Think my head needs a break anyway.

Ultrasound in the morning, then helping mom with taxes the rest of the day. And taxes suck. I fucking hate helping her get those out every year. Oh well, it pays.

My stomach is in knots over the ultrasound. That panic feeling crept in again this weekend. Not any particular thing I can put my finger on, just like I need to hurry hurry hurry and get this baby out – or else. I can’t explain it, but it gives me the willies. I hope it’s all in my head. Please let it be all in my head.

10:15am cannot get here soon enough. Think I’ll head to bed to speed this night along.

Headed off to mom and dad’s here in a bit. Thanksgiving a little early since dad might be sent back out of town.

Dad’s cooking a huge meal, and my mouth is watering just thinking about it. Dad can cook his ass off. And mom will fill the counter with snacks and sweets and treats and and and. Yeah, I’m hungry.

Will be the first year that my sister and I are both there for it since ….. wow. 10 years? Is that right? Anyway, the kids will have a great time – although I think my parents will have the best time of all. They like it when their ‘girls’ are both home. They finally have us both back here, and it would devastate them if we ever moved away again. I don’t plan on it anytime soon. This is exactly why I moved back. Family. Only thing that really matters.

Baby clothes are ready and waiting. Spent the morning washing, sorting, and putting them away. Space has been made in the living room and laundry room for baby supplies as well. That way I don’t have to screw with those steps 20 times a day. It’s perfect.

Thanks to some wonderful friends, we only have a handful of things to get and we’re all set. Now we can rest and enjoy the last few weeks of this pregnancy.

Well, he can enjoy it – not sure that’s possible on my end.

Bank gave me the card number and the time. It’s MD’s card, but the withdrawal happened at 11:39am yesterday – and there happens to be about 10 people who can vouch for the fact that he was in the break room eating and didn’t leave the shop until 5pm.

Found out he leaves his wallet in the truck’s glove-box so it doesn’t get messed up. Guess he won’t be doing that again. He also won’t be allowing people to ride with him when they do go grab something to eat and he has to make an ATM stop along the way.

Fucking thieves. I hate fucking thieves. Now, I guess we go ahead with the video pull, and get the cops involved? Not sure. Over $23 some odd dollars? Gawd. Will the cops even file a report for that? Then again, I’m so fucking pissed off that one of his friends would do something like this, that I want some heads to roll one way or the other. I told him to go to work and talk loudly about the fact that his wife is going ahead with the charges and that we should have the video surveillance clips in a few days to see who used the card. Maybe someone would fess up to avoid the mess? Dunno.

I’m too pissed to think straight.

I am no longer watching my sister’s kids. She is quitting to go back to school in Jan. I will have the option to watch them again at that time if I want.
Wasn’t much money, but it helped.

Don’t you hate it when a good day turns to shit in a nano-second? I sure do.

I just went online to pay bills, and noticed a $20 ATM withdrawal on our account. Actually, it was $21.75 with an additional $1.50 in fees. I knew that MD and I didn’t do it, but I called him just in case because I know that he gets gas on Wednesdays. He usually writes a check, but there was always the possibility that he was out and used the ATM instead.

Nope, wasn’t him. He also reminded me that even if he had taken the money out for it, he wouldn’t of use another bank’s ATM like this dumbfuck did because the fees are so damn high. Good boy.

So I called the bank. Spent 10 minutes listening to this woman assure me that it was probably my husband. I wanted to rip her fucking head off. Obviously her spouse doesn’t give a shit about their family or have fucking consideration for their finances, but mine does. MD wouldn’t dare take out money without telling me first. Not that it’s my money, but he knows the instant – and I mean the instant – he starts taking out cash for the hell of it, is the very moment that the bills and the budget become his responsibility. And he doesn’t want that shit. He knows that every penny in our check book is accounted for – especially during shitty winter months.

I let her have it at that point. Told her to tell me what time this withdrawal was made, the card number that withdrew it, and to have that machine’s video pulled if need be to prove that it wasn’t us. She had no knowledge on how to do any of these things. Nor did her supervisor. I told her she’d better figure it out pretty damn quick, or things were going to get nasty.

Then the bitch had the nerve to ask if all of this was really necessary over 20 dollars. Guess she’s not smart enough to figure out that if it happened once, it could happen again – and the next time it might NOT be only 20 damn dollars. Stupid whore. And I wouldn’t give a flying rat’s ass if it was only 2 fucking bucks – it’s my money and someone took it. Period.

I am now sitting here waiting for her to find someone who has a brain to do a little investigating. So very tired of this bank bullshit. We’ve changed our account 3 times since we’ve lived here over shit like this. Moved the account over and over in Florida over the same shit. Biggest beauty in Florida was taking my deposit and sticking it in someone else’s account. They knew they did it, because the teller gal wrote out the deposit slip for me because my hands were full with MB4. They could see the money in the other account, but wouldn’t take it back. That took fucking weeks to get corrected, and I moved to another bank the day it was fixed.

Today’s agenda just got changed. Gonna spend it cleaning out my damn sock drawer.

Don’t have my sister’s kids today, so I plan on enjoying it. Going to run a few errands, bake that stupid ass cake for the fundraiser tonight, then spend hours and hours doing nothing.

Sounds like a good plan to me.

Kids came home from school and saved the day. They took those kids upstairs and played monster for an hour. They are now playing Mario in teams. Takes a lotta patience to play Mario with a 2, 3, 4, & 5 yo. They told me to scram and do what I had to do.

I love my children.

In the shuffling madness of the locomotive breath,
runs the all-time loser, headlong to his death.

Translation:

When you let a bunch of shit fall out of your mouth, your adoring fans kick your ass to the curb.

I wish I’d never read that.

Either the nesting bug has crept in, or I’m finally going insane.

Both would be a safe bet as well.

The ball pit is long gone, but the balls have entertained the kiddos for hours today. Thank gawd. They were hell on wheels yesterday. I needed a calm day.

Why is it that MD is on the Youth Rec Board, but I’m the one stuck doing all the dog work? Somehow I just got suckered into baking cakes for Friday’s somethingoranother fundraiser. She’ll regret that shit when she takes a look-sy at them. Bread is my baking forte. Cakes and cookies are not. There’s a damn good reason why I hate answering the fucking telephone.

I bought some zebra cakes and nutty bars last night for MD’s lunch and some treats around here. Incredibly stupid of me to think I could be left alone in the house with them.

I don’t mind folding laundry. I don’t even mind washing it. I eliminated the need to sort that shit years ago, so it’s all very simple now.

But …

I would be much happier if I had a washer that automatically transferred the clothes into the dryer. Even some sort of dump truck mechanism would work. Raise that shit up so I can reach it 8 months pregnant. Whichever kiddo has table duty for the week helps me when they get home from school, but most of the time it’s done already. Guess I could hire someone else to come over and scoop it out for me.

Mike Alstott has some time off, wonder if he’s for hire?

After the baths tonight, MB4 ran through the living room and was stopped by MD.

J: Aren’t those the underwear you had on before your bath?
C: Yes, but they’re clean – I smelled them.
J: ……….

He’s four. I figure by the time my little scumball is 14, I’ll never have to wash his laundry again.

Amazing at how fast kids scramble and how much gets accomplished when you use your true mama voice and roll your eyes to the back of your head.

I need a rope, some tape, and a bottle of Children’s Nyquil.

More help for those searching fools souls.
(more…)

Since my appt ran over yesterday, I wasn’t here when the boys got off the bus. They knew I might be running a little late, so they weren’t concerned.

They did their homework, and then decided to clean up the toy room for me.

It’s a disaster zone now with the four little ones playing in there, but I sure did appreciate the thought. They can be such sweethearts when they want to be.

I could stare at that flag for hours.

Either the cold meds are kicking in – or that’s just one damn good looking flag.

So damn vibrant.

Sleepy as hell. Another kiddo has a date with dentist this morning. Watching my sister’s 5yo as well as her 3yo today. My throat is raw. My head is stuffy.

Not going to be a good day, is it?

Nothing like a humiliating doc appt to brighten your day.

I lost 6lbs the past two weeks. Got my ass munched on for that. I can’t figure that shit out. I eat like a sow.

I’ve been measuring fine all along, but today I seem to have lost a couple weeks somewhere. Tape said 29 weeks, and I’m 32. He said more than likely it’s because the baby dropped already, but he’s still ordering a sonogram for Monday to check things out.

He also did a full bloodwork today because he said I looked “zapped” and he’s double checking my levels. I can tell him right now that my iron level is about at 0.

Since he was ordering all sorts of tests anyway, I wasn’t going to say anything about the bad feeling I’ve had. I figured that if something was wrong, the tests would pick it up and I wouldn’t have to look like a loon. But the relief I felt brought on some ninny ass tears and I had to explain anyway. Geezus I fucking hate that. I can’t wait until I’m in control of my hormones again. Well, more in control anyway.

So, we’ll see what the bloodwork and sonogram say. Hopefully this is all just nerves on my part. And here’s to hoping he stays ‘dropped’, head down, and ready to go.

OB appt today. Going to ask him to check my iron levels again. I am wiped the hell out, and it’s difficult to function like this.

I dream about sleep. How pathetic is that?

Friends over last night. Big Feast. Many laughs. Up way too fucking late.

MD woke me up at 8:30 this morning to let me know he was headed out to church. Not sure what time he woke up or how in the hell he’s functioning, but my tired ass isn’t doing so hot on only four hours of sleep. At least he’s in charge of brunch when he gets back. I’d burn down the fucking house if I had to fix it today.

MD’s at work. Kids and I are stuck inside as it’s a tad bit nippy out today. I guess I’ll bake. Might at well add another shelf to my asscheeks.

Got my first ‘colder season’ gas and electric bills this morning. You know the ones you carry around for about 20 minutes before you actually open them trying to use your psychic abilities to guess how bad the damage is and it’s a scary new world because it’s your first year in this new house and you have no clue as to how much it costs to heat a two story house and the house still feels chilly to you and it frightens you to think you might have to turn the heat down even more and with shaking hands you finally get up the guts to open them and…

together they aren’t even $90.

What the fuck.

Then the panic hits that perhaps the billing cycle ended before it started to get cold and you kick yourself for thinking that could actually be your winter bill and you get depressed and nervous all over again so you glance at the dates and …

see that both cycles just ended this week.

What the fuck.

Then you catch yourself starting to crack a smile and squash it because there has to be another explanation because you have never seen bills this low before so you call both companies and spend 30 minutes on the phone about to start a fight with the poor service gal who swears there is no mistake and finally you hang up and stare at both bills in disbelief.

Then you walk over, send a silent thank you to your new landlords who own a heating and cooling biz, and crank the fucking heat up.

Tell me that isn’t what I think it is that’s predicted about noon today.

In no way am I about to belittle the horror that our service members face while they are prisoners of war, but something just smells rotten to me.

I have no doubt that it was a hellish experience for Lynch, but any more so than the other POWs that were rescued shortly after? I admit that I haven’t done the proper research on the matter, but have they received the same type of awards and recognition and presents and movie deals and book deals and interviews and benefits? I know that at least one of the other soldiers said no – especially concerning the disability benefits. Is that fair? I sure as hell don’t think so.

And why does the media do that? Why do they focus on one soldier and try to dump the entire nation’s affections on them alone? Why not share it with the other POWs and the families of the fallen soldiers? Out of respect for her service, I will keep the feeling in my gut quiet and my big mouth shut concerning the whole book deal and the discrepancies popping up.

Just irks the shit outta me that there are a helluva lot of heros out there that will never get their 15 seconds. And as pissed off as that makes me, I have a feeling that 99% of them don’t expect it anyway.

Those are the real heros.

Received the most gorgeous hand-knitted blanket in the mail about an hour ago. Part of a blogbarter deal. You can take a peek at it here. Click on the photo to see the entire thing.

So damn soft and purdy. Me like.

As much as I detest Red Wheel, I have to admit that I was a little excited when my sister brought my order over last night.

mmmmmmmmmmmm…..cookie dough and cinnamon rolls

MB5 is an active little boy. He is constantly moving and rolling and kicking. His heart beat is strong and perfect. He and I are both measuring exactly where we should be. The two ultrasounds I had showed a normal, healthy baby.

So why do I still have this off feeling? No, it’s not really off anymore – it’s starting to lean towards bad. It may be only a feeling, or a sense – or a bunch of bullshit, but I feel it so strongly that it makes me physically ill. It’s so strong that I fully intend to make an ass of myself at my appt on Monday by telling the doc about it.

Not really sure how I’m going to do that, since I don’t really know what to say or how to describe it, but maybe when he sees the panic in my eyes he won’t be inclined to laugh at me. ‘Cause I sure as hell don’t think it’s funny.

I bust my ass on our budget. It’s figured down to the gnat’s ass. I haven’t adjusted it yet to include these new hours from MD, just in case something screws up, but I did finally allow myself to add in the money I’m getting from that site.

So why does it surprise me that I would get an email from her changing her tune about sending the balance owed and asking if she can send in payments? I guess it doesn’t. I counted those damn chickens and I got hammered for it. I knew better.

I know I’ll get it. Someday. Just really chaps my ass when people act like this.

I’m feeling a little cranky. My mood gets any worse, and I just might disable her fucking site.

Was feeling rather low yesterday thinking about the shitty hours to come, when MD comes home from work and informs that he is not only working Friday, but Saturday as well. And not only is he working, he’s working 12s.

Now, I realize that this is only one week, but given how incredibly … talented I am with the budget, this one week will be enough to easily carry us into December right on track – and that’s including Christmas presents. That alone allows for some easy breathing today.

I don’t expect extra hours every week, but it sure would be nice to score a week like this every month until spring. I’m might not have a thing to bitch about if that happens.

Naahhhh, I’ll think of something.

Fair 24?F / Feels Like 16?F

Sure as hell does

We’ve all sat back at one point or another and solved one of the nation’s problems in a matter of seconds. And most of us honestly think our solutions could work if they were ever actually applied without all of that political bullshit getting in the way.

Here are a few off the top of my head with my simple simon approach as to how to solve them. I’m curious to hear yours ….

*Drugs – Legalize and let the government have at it. Would take the power away from the dealers, generate a shitload of income, and would allow for control over the quality. Let people be responsible for their own actions and addictions – same as alcohol. Same rules would apply. Do that shit at home and don’t you dare touch those car keys. If you fuck up, you get locked up. How hard is that?

*Prostitution – Damn near ditto the above – legalize and let the government have at it. High time the world’s oldest profession is recognized as one. It’s about time those bitches pay taxes like the rest of us.

*Prison overpopulation – To me, this one is easy. Fry the fuckers on death row immediately, and release the people in for drug possession. Save the prison space for the monsters who kill and steal, and let Larry go home and get high. His giggles aren’t hurting anyone.

*National debt – Thinking the drugs and prostitution profits could take care of this problem lickety split.

*Legal system and its flaws that seem to protect the scum – Stumped on this one. Just don’t see a way to fix it with as many dishonest pukes there are littering the legal system. Whole thing makes my innards twist.

Now, add to the list of problems to discuss, or pick apart my solutions and tell me your own.

I’m in one of those sponge-y brain moods.

Tootsie Pop … cherry or chocolate?

Other serial killers have bragged of murdering dozens of victims, but Ridgway’s plea agreement, signed June 13, puts more murders on his record than any other serial killer in U.S. history.

So send a fucking message to the wannabes that will try to outdo him.

You don’t offer plea bargains to monsters. Fry the bastard.

More than likely, I’m having a baby next month.

Am I the only one who thinks this pregnancy flew by awful damn fast?

He’s staying here.

The winds of change are stirring things up in the shop, and it frightened him. Frightened me too. But he called his boss last night, and was reassured that there are better things to come if we can just ride out the storm.

My head is clearer this morning. I was in a panic yesterday, as was MD. But the whole reason I quit my job 3 years ago was because the money wasn’t worth the shitty life we had. Made no sense to make all that cash when we were never home to enjoy it with our kids.

Remind me of that this winter though, would ya? Shit’ll be so tight around here, you’ll hear the squeaking no matter where the hell you are.

Salary or hourly?

Stable pay year round or seasonal ups and downs?

Company truck with that stable salary?

Did I mention that stable, salaried position with the vehicle also means being out of town for 6 months at a time?

Bottom line – What price would you put on your family life?

Gawd I hate it when the road of life forks.

Especially when both paths twist out of sight without so much as a whisper to what the future holds.

Anyone fortune tellers out there?

Feeling rather shitty again. Not sick – bitchy and …. rage-y. Perhaps it’s best if I lay low for awhile.

You might want to send a sympathy card to my family. They gotta live here.

Finally getting the last payment for that monster site I did way back in August.

It’s about fucking time.

Cleaning up today after the laundry room redo. I’m glad the room is done, but it sure does makes one helluva mess.

MD is home today, so my schedule is going to be off. At least he can help me straighten shit up. He’s already running my errands for the day. Can’t beat that.

Still cold and rainy and shitty here. Guess winter is on the way. Sure wish I had my fireplace back. Found out those old landlords didn’t sell the house we were in. Would have cost them too much money to fix up the major problems, so they re-rented it. Assholes. They are on their second set of renters since we left. Good. I hope they run through renters like toilet paper.

K – little ones are awful quiet upstairs. Need to make sure everyone is alive.

Was too cold and rainy to build the deck this weekend, but my laundry room is now devoid of all red and green rose wallpaper. This wallpaper, although hideous on its own, did not work well with the white and grey marbled tile that ran halfway up each wall. And the lazy ass way of covering up their wallpaper-hanging inadequacies by slopping a line of bright green paint along the ceiling made me want to barf.

Now, I have pretty white walls to match the white and grey tile. No more green. No more red. Looks very nice – VERY VERY nice, and I owe a huge thank you to my wonderful husband and our close friend for spending their entire weekend working on this for me.

Me so happy.

I’m such a loser.

I had every intention of participating in Nanowrimo, but I STILL can’t think of anything decent to write about. I’ve been thinking for over a month now, but any ideas come and they go before I can commit them to paper. Shit, they flee before I can commit them to memory.

I have been writing still. Kind of like those free writing exercises you did in school. Trying to just put something down in hopes that other ideas will take over and lead me. Not happening so far. Currently, I have close to two thousand words on potty training and discipline. Not exactly novel material. Unfortunately, it’s all I know. It’s all my crusty brain can produce.

Guess I’ll be sitting this one out. Good luck to everyone else.

Kids had a blast last night. We only went out for about an hour since it was cold, but they scored nicely anyway. MG really got into it this year. She’s so damn cute. I took pics, but that piece of shit camera ruined all but three.

At least you’ll be able to see what a good sport my darling husband is.
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