Would it be so fucking difficult to switch SVU to 8pm so I can watch it and NYPDBlue tonight? And perhaps kick CSI Miami back to 8pm as well, so I can check out Third Watch? Must these networks be such dickheads?

Starting to remember why I never used to watch tv.

Not like I’m about to give this shit up or anything, but I do remember…

/exit to google to search for tivo

Today is kitchen day. It’s supposed to be the day I wipe out drawers and scrub the utensil tray and wash baseboards and soak burner plates. The day to clean shit out and organize the fridge and cabinets. I do this to make it easier to create the grocery list.

All I’ve done today is the fridge. Fuck the rest.

And I was very pleased to discover that the only things I need at the store are bread and oatmeal. So very glad I’m anal about stocking up on food when the sales hit. So very very glad.

Doc said it’s viral. Figures. Looks like we suffer a bit longer. It’s amazing how well slathering Vic’s all over your body and cranking up the humidifier works though. At least we can breathe a little better today.

I passed my glucose, but failed my iron test.

‘Have you been tired lately?’

Gee, not at all. I have 5 kids – 4 of which have been battling one virus or another for the past 3-4 weeks. My children are each involved in a sport and an activity or two after school that involves careful planning and magical powers to get them to and from because my husband works his ass off and isn’t around much to help chauffeur. I’m sick as a dog, I live in house with a stairway from hell that is trying to kill me, and I am 26 weeks pregnant. Nope, I haven’t been tired at all.

Stupid ass fuckwad.

Think this virus has other plans for MB4 and I. Heading to the doc tomorrow to remove this large elephant from our chests so that we may breathe once again. Perhaps the doc also has a cure for removing the glass shards that feel lodged in our throats while he’s at it.

I hope it’s still a simple cold that’s just acting like a motherfucker. It feels like pneumonia stopped by strep’s house and headed on over to torture us. Whatever the fuck it is – it ain’t pleasant.

Going to crumble back into my heap now.

[Insert flu whine here]

[Insert sciatica whine here]

There, I feel better.

First Mr Carlson from WKRP, and now this??

What the fuck is going on??

By the time MB1’s game ended yesterday, I was a mess. Sneezing fits, one runny rose and one stuffed up nose. I knew I was screwed. What I didn’t know is that poor MG had a fever. She’s been fine ever since that isolated fever a few days ago. It must have been low on the way, and spiked sometime in the van. One minute she’s playing and laughing, the next second her head drops on the bar of her car seat. Was pretty fucking scary.

104. Shit, I hate that in a little one. Especially one as little as she is. Gave her some Motrin and she proceeded to spew her guts onto my kitchen floor. Then again in my living room. For the first time ever, my stomach was rolling cleaning it up. Usually I can handle puke. Obviously I can’t right now.

Got it all taken care of, finally got some Motrin in her, and she zonked. Was a rough ROUGH night between her and MB4.

And to top off my 24 hours – my voice is going. How in the hell can a mom lose her voice? How am I supposed to break up fights? Or stop the bickering? Or lecture a back talker? Shit. Don’t moms come with some built in voice-protector mechanism?

Thank gawd it’s Friday. MD can holler for me.

Popping in to test this sucker out.

Geezus this sucker is fast. Never had the pages zip around like this before.

Nice. Very nice.

Might be down for a bit. Switching over to a spiffy new dedicated server.

Once I’m all moved in, Nancy’s going to switch over all her other ‘children’ as well. The rest of the server space will be up for grabs pretty cheap.

See ya when I see ya.

Finally ran a few errands this morning. Had to cut it short since MB4 felt like shit, but the important ones were done at least. Now I guess I’m free for the day until the evening rolls around. I suppose I could clean up a little as well. Maybe.

You know that closet full of sporting shit that falls on top of those dumbass brothers on the dumbass Zoosomething show? I just realized that we have that same closet. It does no good to organize it, the boys are in and out of just too damn much. And how are you supposed to neatly stack 2 footballs, 2 soccer balls, a volley ball, 2 bouncy balls, 2 bats, 2 baseballs, 4 gloves, 3 sets of shin guards, and 2 pairs of extra cleats? Obviously not in a closet, that’s for damn sure.

I bought pink nail polish today. I don’t know why. I don’t own anything pick. I don’t even like pink. I buy mauves and sands and wines. Maybe I’ll put it on anyway. MD might like to see me resemble a girl for a change. I’ll be a real fucking girlie-girl with pink nail polish on.

Is it just me, or does the smell of Lowe’s give anyone else a rush? Almost a excited tingly feeling. It’s damn near on par with Office Depot – almost.

Oh well shit. Guess I’ll hop off of this bitch and try to be productive.

I’ve been waiting for this afternoon/early evening. MD’s boss gave him a few tickets to the Royal’s games tonight, and he is leaving work early to take MB2. (Other boys aren’t interested.)

The rest of us were going to head over to the post office (finally), swing by and get MB1 from practice, do a little grocery shopping, and then grab a couple of pizzas on the way home. Was going to find something new on the boob tube and vegetate the evening away with a living room picnic.

MB4 has just informed me that he is sick. This was confirmed by the cookie toss a few moments later, and the 103 degree reading on the thermometer. I got him taken care of and settled on the couch watching Between the Lions (hate that one too), then I went up to check on MG. They had been watching Bug’s Life upstairs. She was still there watching, but her glassy eyes told me that it’s going to be a long night. Sure wish they hadn’t been laying on my body pillow.

Wonder if MD will mind being a tad bit late for the game by running a few errands for me tonight? I need Motrin and Pizza. Guess my errands can wait another day.

For those worried:

I did not fall down the steps again, although now I have probably jinxed myself. I just cannot walk up those bitches without needing to take 5 at the top. My knees are whining, my back is grumbling, and my thighs remind me that I’m not 16 anymore.

Guess my dream of having a big two story farm house in the country need to be re-vamped.

Do you have any idea how delightful it is to discover that instead of three more payments, you only have one because your crazy ass pregnant brain paid extra payments? What a delicious feeling to know that almost all of your bills are paid off. I never thought we’d see this day. Never.

I now owe 8 more payments on my van, and 2 more payments to the doc for all those stupid tests earlier this year – and that’s it. That’s alllllll folks. Then it’s time to start saving – seriously saving – for a house. Finally. The nomads are ready and waiting to settle down and buy their first house. Well, we were ready three years ago, but that’s another story.

This time, it’s right. I can feel it.

Never ever ever ever buy a house with stairs.

Hey FootBall Coach for MB1 –
When practice is from 3-5, why is my kid still out there running drills at 5:30? Do you not give a shit that MB2 has his practice at 5:30? Do you not own a watch? Can you not tell time? Or are you just a fucking asshole?

Hey Soccer Coach for MB2 –
When you say Tuesdays & Thurdays for practice, why are you calling my kid on Mondays wondering where he is? Are we supposed to be mind-readers and just know that you meant Mondays and Wednesdays? Easy fucking mistake, huh? Pick a plan and stick to it fuckknuckle. I don’t have time in my life for wishywashy shit like this. And by the way, when you say practice is at 5:30 – be there, would ya? When you come strolling onto the field at 5:40, you make me want to rip your lying teeth out and shove them up your ass. And you’re another one who could benefit from a watch that beeps when practice is over at 7. That means 7 dickhead, not 7:30. My nightly routine is a busy mother, and I need every minute I can get.

And lastly, Hey Soccer Coach for MB3 -
Give us a contact number, would ya? When my kid is sick, and can’t attend practice, I would like to call you and find out when the next one is. Since you also change the schedule as often as your drawers, it’d be a nice thing to have.

Fucktards.

Friend of mine is very upset because her husband is having a selfish fucking memememe phase. They have a 2yo, and he can’t figure out why life isn’t like it was before. He has even started having thoughts about another woman because he remembers what fun is like around her.

Well, waaaaaafuckingwaaaaaaaaa. Asshole loser. She didn’t bring that child into this world all by her lonesome, you selfish prick.

It takes commitment to raise a family. From both partners. I know there is a period of adjustment for people when they have their first child, but when I hear people say that men need more time to adjust, I think that’s just bullshit. A real man is ready and willing from day one. Some just need kicked in the ass a little bit to realize that they are a part of the picture too. It shouldn’t be just the mom who gives 100% to the new baby, and any decent father would takes the steps needed to make sure that new mom doesn’t lose sight of her self after the baby is born.

If a man wants a woman to maintain who she was, she needs to have the freedom to do so. That man needs to watch the kid/kids while she tends to her needs. Goes out with her friends. Has her own hobbies. Gets a fucking haircut. Goes shopping for some non-mom clothes. Takes a night to pamper herself to enable her to feel like the woman he married. He needs to make sure she has the same opportunities that he does to maintain her sense of self – WITHOUT making her feel as though he is doing her a fucking favor.

Moms still want to have fun too. Moms still want to feel pretty and be loved and know that they are attractive. It works both ways. It takes both parties working at it every day to make a family work WITH their marriage. Any man who complains that their wife is too wrapped up in mamaville after the new baby comes, hasn’t done his part. Perhaps a new mom wouldn’t feel the need to over-compensate like that if she felt that dad was as active in the child’s life and care as she was.

Just makes my blood boil to hear this shit. And yes, I realize it goes both ways as well. There are just as many women out there who think that their life should go on as it always has once they have kids. News flash dumbass – you make the choice to have those kids – then you must fully appreciate what that entails. Part-time parents chap my ass.

Grow the fuck up, or don’t have kids. Pretty damn simple.

I need someone to come sit at my house for a second while I run to the post office. It will take 5 minutes – tops. The post office is about 4 blocks from here. I need 2 stamps, two letters weighed, and a package shipped out. That’s it.

It’s not really that I don’t want to get MB3 out, because he is feeling a lot better. Only reason he is home today is to give his voice one more day.

I just cannot bring myself to re-dress MB4, fight with MG over which shoe goes on what foot, and load them into the van. Spend 20 minutes preparing for a 5 minute trip.

Just boggles the mind.

Everyone is gone, and my house is about back to normal.

MB3 is feeling better, but has damn near lost his voice completely. I find myself wondering if all of my children are going to get it.

I love ‘em, but damn – if there was ever one virus I wouldn’t mind spreading around…

My sister’s oldest son is in heaven being here. Poor kiddo needed this a very long time ago. Her autistic son had a blast here last night, and is on his way over again to play today. He wouldn’t let me hold him yesterday, but he smiled at me – that’s a big step for any kiddo who hasn’t seen a relative in about a year – autistic or not. He played with MB4 and the other kids though. They will start kindergarten together next year – I think that’s perfect. He might have to take a few special classes during the day, but at least he will have his cousin with him for the most part.

Brunch round 1 is done, and it went out without a hitch. I took orders for 9 kids, and then we whipped it up together. Now we will start round 2 when mom and Amy get here, but that’s easy – just the 4 adults and Amy’s two little ones. Kitchen is cleaned, getting ready to make bread and some pies, and the applesauce in the crockpot is almost done. I have enough saved out for caramel apples tonight, but I’ll still have over 20lbs of apples left, so if anyone has a recipe for a tasty apple treat – pass it along please.

What a nice weekend this is.

Went to the orchard today and picked over 50 pounds of apples. I’ll be a baking fool tomorrow, and my house will smell delicious. I cannot wait. I love fall. Lazy days of watching football and baking. What more to life is there?

My sister made it in town, and she is on her way over here now. Her son Josh will more than likely spend the night. Our friends are on their way as well. Their son Josh will probably spend the night. MB1 has two friends already spending the night.

Tomorrow’s brunch scene will look like Denny’s from hell.

MB3 woke me up at 2am because his throat hurt. Then he coughed and I heard how horrible he sounded. Round of cough syrup settled him for the night, but MD has him at the doc now to get him fixed up. Hopefully before any of us got it as well. Why do I get the feeling that it’s too late? Could it be the swimming feeling in my head right now? The cough that is starting to tickle my throat? Fantastic. Least it’s me and not MB2. That could be bad.

I wouldn’t mind getting sick if I could lay around and sleep all day. That sounds pretty good actually. Someone needs to start a home health care service that only deals with tending to sick moms. Wouldn’t that be divine?? Get some bitch to come in here and take over for while you rest?

I know, I know. But it’s nice to dream a little dream every once in awhile.

Bob the Builder is not only a dumbass, he’s also quite the prick sometimes.

I gotta find something to do.

I buy my printer cartridges from a guy I found on ebay. I’ve ordered from him 3 or 4 times now, and I am very pleased with the service and the product. His generic versions work just fine in my printer. Have never had a problem.

He used to only sell cartridges for Epson printers, but has now added HP to his list. I won’t go over the entire price list, but here’s a couple of examples:

I have an Epson Stylus printer. Cartridges usually run me a little over $50 to replace both of them. Now I buy both from him for $16 – and that includes shipping.

My mom has a HP printer. Her cartridges run her almost $80 to replace both. She is buying from him instead this time, and it’s only going to cost her $35.

You can find him on ebay, but he doesn’t have the HP ones listed yet. Just shoot him an email, and he’ll get you an order form/price list.

AAImport@ptdprolog.net

And no, I don’t get shit from passing this along. I just think it’s crazy to pay those outrageous prices when you don’t have to.

It’s Friday. I don’t have a headache yet, or even a sign that one’s coming. Enjoyed my husband not once, but twice yesterday. Still feeling incredible amounts of energy. My house smells like Downy and homemade bread and Pine-Sol. My wonderful spouse made me Rice Cripsie Treats last night and I get to nibble on them all day long. I found out that a friend selling her damn-near-new cloth diapers, and I am getting one helluva deal on them.

So far, so good. Let’s see what the day has in store for me.

The kid who was the voice of Calliou died. I didn’t know that. That whiny voice grated on my nerves, but geezus, I didn’t want the girl dead. Also wondering what happened to the voice of Face – the NickJr .. thing. His voice is different this week, and even MB4 noticed it. You’d think they would at least try to find someone who sounded the same. This new guy sounds creepy.

It was 39 degrees when I woke up this morning. I wouldn’t know that, because we pussed out and turned the heat on. I turned it off when I woke up, but damn the house getting cold last night without it. Still confused over what temperature MB2 needs, so we just turned it on low enough to keep the chill out of the house. I hope that was right.

I hope Isabel was kind as she blew onto land yesterday. I haven’t watched the news yet, but from the size of her, I have a feeling she wasn’t. Thoughts are still with those dealing with her monstrous ass.

Got the new shit I ordered for the boys’ puter. Also got the extra keyboard and mouse I ordered. Will be nice to have those lying around to use the next time mom or dad or Jen blow their shit up. I hate switching my stuff back and forth.

But I can’t lie – the new keyboard is now my new keyboard. I switched them. I just love it so. So crisp and clean and … just divine. Who’d of thunk it? Cheap ass keyboard, and I’m in love. Doesn’t take much.

MD is home. Got in about 2am. He woke up early, took a bath, unpacked his shit, gave me some, and headed out to work another 12. I’m so very glad he’s home. So is this hormonally charged body.

My new phone came today too. Feels like Christmas around here. Now I can put these other two away. One worked fine, just wouldn’t hang up. Other hung up fine, but the 7, 6, & 5 didn’t work. Made dialing a little difficult.

Ok, new toys to install and play with today. Husband at home to play with later. It’s a good fucking day in Moodyland.

My thoughts are with those in Isabel’s path.

Stay safe.

Thu Sep 18 Scattered T-Storms 66?/36?

Holy shit

MB2 had his follow-up appt today. He was taken off the machine, and is to use this Advair thingy twice a day. He also got an inhaler just in case. Other than that, he is to continue the peak flow gizmo and resume activities as normal unless he has problems again. Let’s hope he doesn’t.

I’m still eyeballing that fork. Even if I can’t pluck the demon from my brain, I might at least be able to release some of the pressure of this headache. Today’s is worse than yesterday’s, and I got a visit from those visual fireflies a little bit ago, so I know a monsterfucker of a headache is coming soon. I have the Tylenol3 just in case. Gawd I hope it passes me by.

MD is in IndMB5a now. He said he might be home tonight. I hope so. Although MB4 and MG are going to be mighty pissed off when he reclaims his spot in bed.

What a fucking annoying day.

I can’t remember the password for my online bank account. There’s only one person in this hick ass town who can help me, and she went home early today.

I bought all sorts of new shit for the boys’ computer to fix it, and it is starting to look as though the motherboard is the trouble maker. Figures.

I didn’t want to get dressed today. Well, not dressed. I’ve got clothes on, but I really didn’t want to put any effort into being presentable for the public. But since I started a roast in the crock pot at 7am and I have no taters to go with it – looks like I’ll be purdy-ing myself up just for the checkout gal. Gawd.

I’ve still got this fucking headache. I take a pill and it kills it. Then it comes back the next day. Starting to think I can dig the demon out of my head with a fork. Well, maybe not, but twisting that bitch around in my brain sounds so good right now.

When I finally calmed down enough to survey my decoration disaster in the basement, I found that the only ornaments to break were the nice/special ones. Those shitty red/blue/green/gold/silver balls just rolled their asses to a stop and sat there unharmed. I put ‘em in the trash anyway.

I’m bored.

Clumsy pregnant women should not try to rearrange boxes in the basement. Especially ones that contain Christmas decorations. Especially if those decorations are mostly glass ornaments.

Shit.

I hate it when MD isn’t here.

MD just popped home and informed me that he is being sent to Chicago for a few days to fix the hydraulics on a train. Should mean quite a few extra hours this week. Should also mean Ang gets to go apeshit handling these activities alone. Oh well – he’s working extra this week, so should I.

Going to shut this baby down for a few hours and try to tackle the kids’ puter. Their RAM sticks came today, and I need to use my floppy until theirs gets here.

Let’s hope I don’t break anything.

I’m not a shopper. I hate to shop. That said – I think people who say that just haven’t found the right shit to shop for. Think I found mine yesterday.

Computer parts. Thanks to Nancy, I have spent the better part of yesterday and this morning looking and researching and comparing prices.

Oooh Laa Laa – what a rush.

I cannot believe how chilly it is here lately. I love it. It’s supposed to be in the lower 40s tonight – I know I’ll be fighting the urge to crank on the heat.

MB2 is doing much better. His peak flows have remained the same the past three days, and he is done with the Xopenex – at least till we see the doc on Wed. He’s still coughing every so often, but it’s loose.

My chocolate craving found its way back to me after three months, and I am eating an entire bag of milk duds for breakfast this morning. It’s nice to have it back. I was getting worried that my snacking days were behind me.

Think I’ll hop in the tub and warm these bones of mine.

Things I don’t understand…

thong underwear
laziness
pedophiles
celebacy
why I keep cutting my hair
$500 shoes
how people can drink tea
golf clothes
rudeness
furniture that’s only for looks
capri pants
why I can’t smoke a joint, but my friend has a lifetime supply of valium
people who like to mix shit and sex
swimming with sharks
lava lamps with sparkly glitter instead of gel bubbles

I like to think that I live in the real world. I know that the boogeyman is real. I know that there are monsters out there that want to snatch my children. I know that if you aren’t waiting and watching for the other shoe to fall – it’ll knock you upside the head and lay you out on your ass.

That said, I do own a pair of rose colored glasses. I put these on when it comes to anything relating to my parents’ health or mortality. I’m not strong enough to face facts otherwise.

My dad hit 53 this week, and mom joins him in a few months. Which is probably why John Ritter’s death bothers me more than Johnny Cash’s. I respected both, but Ritter’s death slammed into me like a freight train. It’s not that I am 32, and Three’s Company was a part of my daily life for years – it’s that he is damn near the same age as my folks.

He just left for work one day and ended up dying there. How fucked up is that? Terrifies the ever-lovin’ shit outta me. I am extremely thankful that my parents are both still here with me, and I feel for anyone who isn’t as fortunate.

I got to put those glasses back on now – I don’t like thinking about this shit.

As thankful as I am for insurance at times like this, I sure as hell wish they would add some sort of family expense to their list. This shit was costly to us personally as well.

Tank and a half of gas for both of us. Breakfast, lunch, & dinner for one of us every day at the hospital. Quick trips to fast food joints for the rest of us because there was no time to fix food at home before the ‘parental shift change’. Snacks and soda for the bored parent. Puzzle books and snacks for MB2. Missed work. You name it. Adds up quick.

Sure puts an ass whoopin’ on the budget.

Life goes on today as I tend to MB2, rescue my house from neglect, and make my grocery list. There’s soccer & football practice tonight, and scouts after that. Checkbook to reconcile. Homework from hell to help MB2 with. MD is back at work.

But I still remember.

My boy is home

Armed with Xopenx and Pulmicort and a shitload of information to read through, but at least he’s home.

Fuck that hospital. Fuck the 20 mile trek from the parking lot to his room. Fuck the 10 mile hike to the cafeteria to get ice. Fuck O2 levels. Fuck Albuterol. Fuck that stiff ass chair. Fuck daytime cartoons. Fuck the $40 box of milk duds from the gift shop.

K, I feel a little better.

They removed his oxygen last night, and his shit got bad. They tried again at 8am, and at noon – his O2 was still at 95. Things are looking pretty good for him to get out today. We had to take a little class on the equipment he will be bringing home, just in case. They are treating it as asthma for now. At least until he can build up a little history after his release.

I’m just going to sit here and enjoy the smell of my house. And the joy of not wearing shoes. And the comfort of pissing on my own toilet.

The things you take for granted, eh?

I’m tired. Exhausted. Totally fucking drained. But I do not want to go to bed. Not because I need my quiet time. Not because I have shit to do. Not because I need to relax.

I just don’t want tomorrow to come any fucking sooner than it has to.

MB2 looks good. He sounds good. He is talking now without having to stop and take a breath mid-sentence. He is bored shitless. He is eating again. He wants to come home.

His oxygen setting is still on 2. The nurse still hears wheezing in his chest. His levels still dip when he’s taken off the oxygen. Doc says he is very close to coming home. Not sure if that means tomorrow or not.

I don’t want to think about the or not.

Went up there this morning with MB4 and MG at 8. MD walks in about 9 – his boss told him to go help his wife, and he would ‘work something out’ about MD’s pay. Said that since a year has passed, he can juggle a few day’s ‘vacation’ in there. (The guys in the shop don’t get vacation – well, not unless the boss likes you lol) Thank gawd, I needed some serious help after only an hour with those two little terrors.

MB2 is coughing his ass off now – which is good, but his breathing is not getting any better as a result. Guess his nose thingy kept getting knocked out last night while he slept, so the nurses took if off for awhile. They checked him an hour later, and his oxygen levels were down to 84. They immediately put him back on it, and it went back to 91 – but it won’t go any higher. They said not to expect him home today either.

They upped his meds again and have started giving him the adult dose of steroids. I hope it works.

I am home to clean up this pigsty. I will head up there at 2, and relieve MD. He will then come home, shower, and be here when MB3 gets home. Then they’ll go watch MB1’s first football game, grab some dinner, and head to the hospital to relieve me for the night.

Off to be my own damn laundry fairy now.

Laundry folding fairies for the 147 loads piled on the couch.

Hey, at least I fucking washed it.

I will be spending all day at the hospital tomorrow with MB2 – and MG and MB4.

I will pray tonight that Cartoon Network decides to have an all day Dora marathon.

MB2 isn’t a whole lot better. Oxygen is still at 91, whatever that means. He’s still has to have the oxygen nose thingy for now. Still getting steroids and every 4-5 hours he gets another breathing treatment. Doc says maybe tomorrow? Who knows. Tomorrow will be a fun day – gotta do it all alone then. MD and mom took half the day off today to help me – can’t tomorrow. Ugh

I’m offering an apology to James for losing my noodle like that. I’m just bitchy – really bitchy lately. It’s hard to tell the difference between innocent curiosity, and plain ass rudeness. Especially like this – with only the written word to go on. I should be zipping my lip until this mood passes.

Now I need to figure out what the hell to do for dinner. And what the hell to do about tomorrow. A pizza and a clone would fix all my problems.

Gawd, what a day.

MD called after the doc left tonight – finally getting his ass there to see MB2 and read all the test results. The doc feels that it is NOT asthma, but a very severe repiratory/bronchial infection. He is being started on a new breathing treatment tonight and tomorrow, and we’ll see if that works to break it up and get him breathing normally again.

Makes me feel much better to know that this won’t be an ongoing thing.

Thanks for the thoughts and support – it means a lot.

Shit. MD called from the hospital. They think MB2 has asthma, and are treating this ‘attack’ as a pretty severe one. They are getting ready to admit him for a few days to get it under control with steroids, because the breathing treatments aren’t working.

Is that possible? To ‘get’ asthma at 11? Maybe he’s had it all this time, but this is the first attack that I know of. Geeezus, could he have died? Could he still? I don’t like this helpless feeling. I don’t like this feeling of guilt. I thought it was a fucking cold. I thought he was congested. I believed the docs last night who said bronchitis. Now I feel like an idiot. I feel like a bitch for thinking MB2 was just ‘playing it up’ last night. He’s always been the dramatic one, so I assumed last night was no exception. I was wrong. Very fucking wrong, and my baby couldn’t breathe last night at all while I sat there and told him to give the meds a chance to work. I should have taken him to the ER last night. Dammit.

MB2’s pretty sick. Only played 2 minutes of his first soccer game because he couldn’t breathe. He’s been congested for a couple of days now, but nothing like this. MD ran him in to aferhours care last night, and they said he had a pretty bad case of bronchitis.

Last night sucked. He was up all night. Would have a major coughing fit, then panic because he couldn’t breathe. The meds did nothing to help. MD called the ER this morning, and they said he needs to have his oxygen levels checked, so MD ran him in. Hopefully, they’ll send home a different type of breathing treatment than this liquid shit.

Meanwhile, I am scrubbing this house, cause I know it will suffer this coming week. I have two jobs to start, one to finish, and one to check into. I need a regular fucking job soon. Yeah, I see that happening.

K, time to turn the music up loud and get to scrubbin’.

Let me repeat myself for the millionth time for those that do not understand.

It’s not polite to ask people how many children they plan on having or suggest that it might be time to ’stop’ – unless you are somehow footing the bill for their existence. In my case, you most certainly are not – so don’t fucking worry about it.

I have 5 children. I am about to have 6. No, I don’t plan on having any more natural children, but we do have plans to adopt or foster more later on in life, so to answer your question – no, I guess I’m not ‘done’ yet. But it’s really none of your fucking business anyway.

My life is full, my hands are full, my van is full, my days and nights are full – but so is my heart. I may whine about the hectic schedule and the non-stop taxi service, but I’ve waited my whole damn life to be right here – watching MB1 jump for joy over being chosen for the football team, and seeing MB2 become a mighty fine soccer player, and feeling incredible pride over how MB3 can knock the shit out of that baseball or memorize his scout handbook. This is what I live for.

I’ve got three little ones who will add to the crazy schedule mix in a few years, and although I’ll probably bitch about that too – it’s a shame you can’t be here to see the crazed grin I’ll wear on my face as I chauffeur them all around. Or how truly devastated I’ll be when they all begin to leave home. I wouldn’t trade my nutty life for anything on this planet.

And finally, since this is my blog, I can bitch about shit if I want to. I don’t ask you to read it.

Haven’t had my air on in a week. Should enjoy this electric bill immensely. Odd not having to run it the week after the 105-every-day heat wave. Still chilly at night. Hope fall is here to stay.

Few errands to run today, then I must throw myself into the world of fixing a stupid style sheet in Netscape. Why in the hell can’t all browsers behave? Spent the past two days on one stinking line.

MD should be home early today, then we are going to attack that van. Carpet clean the shit out of it. That seat didn’t come in yet, but he said to check back this weekend. I want the van ready and sparkling. Ok, I’ll settle for tar-free.

Really not much going on in my life to talk about. Still having those shitty days, but they aren’t too bad. For the next 3 months, my life will be soccer, scouts, and football – but that’s what I’m here for. Then one month off to rest and get ready for MB5’s arrival. If he decides to come early like his brothers did, I’m screwed.

Alrighty, I am off.

When did Mr KoolAid start wearing pants?

It’s 52 degrees outside right now. All of my windows are open, and I am freezing my ass off. I got up and pulled on a pair of socks and a sweatshirt, and hunted down my robe. Still shivering.

But I fucking love it.

This very well might be the last week of sanity that I have for a very long time. I have listened, read, and noted the boys’ activities on the family planner, but my mind cannot begin to fathom how this will play out yet. MD is still working late, which helps out money-wise, but I need him here too dammit.

All three boys will have activities on Thursday nights. MB3 will have two activities back to back that night. (Soccer/Scouts)

Fuck me.

It bugs me. I can’t help it. I don’t mind him going to church – I really don’t. What bugs me is my problem. I know that. It’s that warped fear that starts to creep in every time he starts going again. Based on the past 13 and a half years, it’s unfounded, but I can’t help from worrying about it.

I’ve said before that although it’s not my cup of tea, I can appreciate what organized religion does for certain folks. It centers them. I’d never begrudge someone their center. What bugs me is what happens along the way to some people. I find myself watching for signs of it happening to my husband.

Perhaps it’s my own insecurity. Maybe it’s a twisted form of jealously. Maybe it’s a concern that his center is my off-center. Maybe I just don’t want things to change from how perfect they are right now. I’ve seen it change a few lives.

His brother is a prime example. Hell on wheels. Throne waiting for him in hell type of guy. Meets a gal, joins her church, and cleans up his act. So far, so good huh? Not hardly. After a few months, that holier-than-thou staff is rammed up his ass and his entire life shifts. Perhaps that’s a good change for some. Wasn’t for him.

Whole life became church. Dropped his friends and family for new ones. Couldn’t associate with anyone who hadn’t accepted Jesus. Gave every penny to the church. Struggled to pay bills so he could give hundreds to the church every week, while the reverend drove a Rolls and sported a Rolex. Took in out of state visiting church members into his home for months at a time. Supporting them while they found God. He’s had his truck go back, and is considering bankruptcy.

All the while his wife has made a career out of quitting part-time jobs. They have no children, yet she doesn’t feel the need to work. Interferes with Jesus’ plan for her. MD’s brother has a daughter who will be 7 this week, but he can’t see her because she’s not a child of God. She was born out of wedlock, and is therefore not clean. His wife refuses to allow a relationship between them. He hasn’t seen her in years. From the sound of it, he hasn’t seen his balls in years either. There isn’t a person on this earth that could prevent me from seeing my children. Personally, I think he just might rot in hell for that above anything else he ever did in his wild days.

These are all precisely the reasons I am afraid. Yes, afraid. I’m scared that MD will get swept away by trying to make himself a better ChristMB5, and start to view his hellion wife in a different light. I am afraid that he will lose focus of our dreams that we’ve made together, and create new ones on a different path. One that I have no interest in traveling.

And while those things might frighten me, I find I become extremely pissed off over the pass the plate mumbo jumbo. It’s a part of church life, I know that. But I can’t help but raise an eyebrow when he takes our meager extra dollars to just give away. And yeah, it’s only a couple of dollars. But that’s now – what if he wants to take more later? I am already finding myself ready to rumble over this.

Holler at me if you will, and yes I realize that some churches do a shitload of good in the community with that money, but moderation and common sense are key in my opinion.

Perhaps I have an image of God in my head that’s too crude. Too human like. I brazenly envision God as a person who thinks just like I do. And if I’m right, he’s mighty fucking pissed off at this whole offering scam as well.

Please give 10% of what you made this week. Are you out of your fucking mind? That cash is paying my light bill so that my kids can have a/c and heat. I refuse to believe that God expects this. I think someone got the message fucked up. I take that whole giving back thing a bit differently.

I need that money. God knows that. But He isn’t angry with me. He sees that when a friend of mine’s husband has a shitty paycheck, I innocently invite them over for dinner that week to try and ease her food bill a little. He sees her carry home a shitload of leftovers to use the next night or for lunches.

He knows that I always buy extra school supplies and send them to the teacher so that she can pass them out to the kids that don’t have any. No, maybe I can’t buy 20 of everything on the list, but I can do something. I can send a little extra. If everyone would, we’d take care of all those kids.

He realizes the conflict I face when the alleged snack money thief and his brother knock on the door asking to spend the day at my house. How it knots up my gut to see the relief in their eyes when I say yes. How that look tells me all it needs to about their home life. May not be worth shit money-wise, but helping out your neighbor extends far beyond cash. Far beyond.

I’ve said a million times that I’m on the fence about God and religion. But I’m starting to realize that maybe I’m not. I think over the years I’ve formed my own religion – one based on common sense and common decency and a respect for the unknowns and the unanswereds in my life.

I guess I’m just hoping that MD’s new religion meshes with mine in a way that will work for the both of us. Could get ugly if it doesn’t.

I need something juicy to read. I need some dirt. Something to sink my teeth into. Someone needs to send me a list of questions – real questions. Like Truth or Dare questions. The kind that make you sweat and blush and pray to gawd that the earth would swallow you whole kind of questions.

I’ll post them, and then I want everyone to answer – if you have the balls. And if you don’t – then you can post them on Asylum.

And if I don’t have the balls, I’ll respond on Asylum as well and then award you with a big fucking gold star for being the person who finally made me squirm.

Not really doing shit this weekend. Working on a few projects, watching some movies, and enjoying this 70 degree weather. And the rain. Mmmmmmmmm yes, the rain.

MD is at soccer practice with the boys, and baby girl is napping. I’m really enjoying the nothing-ness. I did get a body pillow today. Maybe I’ll go curl up with it on the couch and watch Basic again. Maybe I’ll fucking pay attention this time so I know what the hell is going on.

Maybe I’ll just here with my vanilla wafers and fiddle.